Anggerik merah's world

Sayang mama

2012-01-01T03:40:00.002Z

Sayang mama,

maafkan mama kalau mama tidak terdaya untuk memberikan sepenuh perhatian kepadamu. Itu adalah kelemahan mama sendiri. Terima kasih kerana meningatkan mama tentang kekurangan itu. Mama akan cuba memperbaiki diri. Semuga Allah memberikan kita lebih kebahagiaaan di tahun ini. Semuga Allah melindungi kita and tunjukkan kita ke jalan yang lurus dan diredhainya. Mission kita untuk tahun ini adalah lebih mendekatkan diri kepadaNya kerana hidup kita adalah bersandar kepadaNya. Hidup yang terlalu singkat ini dengan ujian diberi oleh Nya tidak perlu kita sia-siakan lagi.

Mama berdoa agar Allah memberi kita kekuatan untuk melalui perjalanan hidup ini.

Terasa kekok untuk jari jemari mama menaip disini setelah sekian lama menyepi dari dunia ini. Mungkin ini adalah tempat terbaik untuk mama mencurahkan rahsia hati agar ianya terlepas dari pendaman dalam hati.

Untuk sayang mama

1 Jan 2012 11:47 am

Good bye 2011 AND WELCOME 2012

2011-12-31T13:39:00.003Z

As salam,

it has been really a long while since my last entry in this precious blog.

Just to say goodbye 2011 ans welcome 2012. 2011 has left me with many experience in life for me to carry on continue this journey of mine.

Anggerik Merah

31 Dec 2011 9:40 pm

2011-04-20T19:33:00.001+01:00

Salam....

I dont write much more for the last 4 months..... maybe one day will come back to write again.

Life has always been an ups and down and treasure every moment of it as it is too short to let it pass by...

A cry

2010-12-22T13:46:00.002Z

It has been a while since last time I cried. I had noticed that my heart became hard like stone. Swallow and chew as it come and get to the bottom of it if I could. There is no vocabulary of tears anymore. But tonite s I sat down to meet HIM and talk to HIM, those precious tears flows like a pipe. To HIM I ask for help for me to go on in life. Sometimes too much to bare that mentally and spiritually I failed to deal. Imperfect human being I am. Added to the moment of upside down hormone fluctuation and my head feels like bursting up in the air. A horrible feeling and it is really uncontrollable. I just cant learn to control the anger during this time. The whole system is taken over by the hormone and it is just so depressing.

A cry is really a good feeling of release...

Anggerik merah

9:54 pm

22/12/2010

Still unfinished business

2010-12-21T17:03:00.002Z

Still unfinished business.... yet to get through to the end. May Allah give all the strength and patience to complete it.

Anggerik merah

107 am

Dec 22, 2010

Go away anxiety

2010-12-20T14:24:00.002Z

Sometimes anxiety sets in for various reasons. The pressure of getting things done by oneself , for instant, internal pressure and the pressure from other external factors.

Regardless of what cause the anxiety, the most important thing is how to properly manage it. Not allowing it to over rule ones life.

Go away anxiety...

Anggerik M

10:28 pm

20/12/2010

After a long silence

2010-12-19T18:28:00.008Z

I have not been writing in this space for almost 6 months. Much thots came to my mind off late and I am saying to myself, it is time to continue writing here again. Perhaps this would capture a deeper thots transferring from space of mind to this space as mean to deposit.

It have been a rather up and down rides in life. But Alhamdullilah, Allah had provided me with all the strength to continue life in various perspective. Waking up at this hour after a rather earlier sleep to compensate with tired body, had put me back on to write on this space. Honestly I had not been writing much offlate. A good and not so good side of it.

The treasure of the moment really have loads of impact on my life. I had let go of the bitter past and adored the sweet memories. That is one accomplishment indeed. However, some thought lingering in my mind about the future and its plan... I have those plans and looking at future not to far down the road as I believe we can only plan for future and we have no clue how it will turn out. Allah would have a better plan for us beyond our knowing. I must confess, at time I was obsessed with the future retirement plan. And I realise there is some part of life that I need to go through first and get it done with. I had not been able to efficiently sort it out within my priority of life as yet. It fall within top priority but it never get to the highest attention in the list. Mind programming is what I needed and a guidance from HIM is what I am needed.

This space will need to be fill-up again. I do not mind what crazy, stressful thot it might deposit. I would rather let it deposits.

I realise offlate, I started to loose a bit of memory. Mine is not as sharp as before...

I wish to live this life with full guidance from HIM and may HE make it easy for me to go through it.

After a long silence...

Anggerik Merah 2010

2:47 am

20/12/2010

July 2010

2010-07-31T14:03:00.001+01:00

It has been a month of turning into another year in life...

Anggerik2005

July 31 2010

Live day by day

2010-05-16T09:27:00.001+01:00

I had not written as frequent as i wish to. This can be an entry for May 2010. I am still clueless what to write...

Pen down

Anggerik
May 16, 2010 4:30 pm

Clueless thot

2010-04-06T14:40:00.002+01:00

I am a bit clueless with what to do things... i.e. with my lil man. I called my old nanny who took care of lil man from small till 5 years old. Thinking that she would be able to come here for a while to help us with lil man. The moment I asked her about how she is doing...I don't have a gut to ask her to be here. I don't think she would do that since she is buzy taking care of her grand children.

I am clueless again. Wouldn't know what and how to move ahead.

For now, yes I remain clueless. I am hurt and sad too... but I never want to let it ruin my life either. So I have to stay calm and compose.

Clueless thot.

Anggerik merah
April 6, 2010
9:45 pm

Recent get away

2010-03-21T14:51:00.003Z

My recent get away for work...

Grand Winston Hotel in Risjkwick (sp?), Holand...See thru toilet

Near Westfield Mall in London

Al Aziz restaurant near Westfield mall, London

Jom Makan Restaurant, London

Belly dancing in Al Aziz Restaurant...came us a surprise to me and my fren

Stuck in the hotel room doing this for the weekend.. a new experience

Lobster at the restaurant (forgot the name) in London

In front of Hilton Kesington, London

Anggerik merah

March 21, 2010

11:30 pm

Good bye kak Ruby

2010-03-18T05:26:00.004Z

Being away in a faraway land for almost a week, I came back to get a news that she has gone to meet the creator.

During my early days as a blogger, I always ensure that I remain as anon. And she was the first blogger I met in person in December 2006 at the time when I was extremely fragile and falling apart. Meeting her at The Chinois in KLCC was really a memorable one. To me, she is just like a sister I am searching for as a role model in life. She is so vibrant, lovely, full of energy and life... Our get together for a couple of hours was really a memory i never forget. Before saying goodbye to each other, I can see from her eyes that there was something she wanted to tell me..but it never came out from her. It kept me wonder for a while with my wild guessing.

We wanted to see each other again, but it never happen...we continued in blog world and cyberspace...and keep on asking each other when to have a cuppa again...

Now, she has gone back to where all of us shall be back. Just that her time has come earlier than all of us.

To my dearest Kak Ruby, may your soul rest in peace and we will miss you much..

Anggerik2005
March 18, 2010
1:37 pm

Something I have to bear

2010-02-20T11:00:00.003Z

Something I have to bear in life...the feeling of sudden unplug of power supply...

What is Fibromyalgia?
Fibromyalgia produces widespread pain, disturbed sleep, and exhaustion from head to toe. Fibromyalgia means pain in the muscles, ligaments, and tendons—the soft fibrous tissues of the body. Although the muscles hurt everywhere, they are not the only cause of the pain. Instead, the diffuse, body-wide symptoms are greatly magnified by malfunctions in the way the nervous system processes pain.

Regional muscle pain not related to arthritis or the nervous system also occurs in the majority of people with fibromyalgia. Patients describe this as firm knots in the belly of muscles, often causing restricted movement and radiating pain. These muscle nodules are myofascial trigger points and some researchers suspect that these painful areas overlap with the tender points used to diagnose fibromyalgia.

The symptoms of fibromyalgia are unpredictable and most patients are frustrated by their physical limitations and inability to make plans. You may feel as though you have to "push yourself" to get things done.

Most patients with fibromyalgia say that their muscles feel like they have been pulled or overworked, and sometimes they twitch or cramp. Even the skin may feel badly sunburned. To help your family and friends relate to your fibromyalgia symptoms, have them think back to the last time they had a bad flu. Every muscle in their body shouted out in pain. In addition, they felt devoid of energy as though someone had unplugged their power supply.

Given that the symptoms may be similar to a viral flu, experts in the field of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome believe that these two illnesses may be one and the same. Gulf War syndrome also overlaps with these two conditions.

Common symptoms:

Pain - Fibromyalgia pain has no boundaries. People describe the pain as deep muscular aching, throbbing, shooting, stabbing, or intense burning. Quite often, the pain and stiffness are worse in the morning, and muscle groups that are used repetitively may hurt more. In addition, the severity of regional pains (particularly those in the head, neck, shoulders and lower back) are a strong predictor of a person's overall pain rating. The muscles in these painful areas can feel tight, knotted and rope-like. Pressing on the firm, knotted region hurts and often causes the pain to shoot to other muscles when a myofascial trigger point is present.

Fatigue - This symptom can be one of the most incapacitating for people with fibromyalgia. Patients may feel as though their arms and legs are weighted down by concrete blocks and their bodies may be so drained of energy that every task is an effort.

Memory and Concentration - Difficulty concentrating and retaining new information may seriously interfere with everyday mental tasks. This symptom is referred to as "fibro fog" and may hinder job opportunities. In particular, fibromyalgia patients have serious difficulty retaining new information if they are distracted.

Sleep Disorders - Patients report trouble falling asleep and more importantly staying asleep, but the unrefreshing quality is what makes the disorder much worse than insomnia. Repeat arousals prevent patients from reaching deep, restorative sleep. As a result, the night is spent in "quasi-sleep" and patients wake up feeling as though they have been run over by a Mack truck. An overnight sleep study will likely show repeat arousals with bursts of awake-like brain activity occurring throughout the night, but a specific sleep disorder may not be identified.

Exercise Difficulties - Moderate intensity exercise activates a powerful pain-relieving system in healthy people, but it makes the pain of fibromyalgia worse. This is why initiating an exercise program may make you achy and tired. However, if you do not exercise on a regular basis, the performance of normal daily living activities will start to cause more pain. Rather than give in to the increased pain sensitivity related to exercise, patients are advised to do mild exercise in short intervals (such as five minutes at a time) to keep the muscles fit while not over-taxing them. A study in Sweden revealed that half of the fibromyalgia patients found it impossible or difficult to climb stairs and a majority of patients could not run. Just standing for five minutes was extremely taxing to one-fourth of the patients.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome - Constipation, diarrhea, frequent abdominal pain and bloating, abdominal gas, and nausea represent symptoms commonly found in roughly 40 to 70 percent of fibromyalgia patients.

Chronic Headaches - Recurrent migraine or tension headaches are experienced by 50 to 70 percent of fibromyalgia patients. Most headaches are rated as severe, occur at least two times per week, and often have a migraine component. Referred pain from myofascial trigger points in the shoulder, neck, and head muscles are suspected to be responsible for most tension-type headache and also play a role in migraines.

Jaw Pain - Temporomandibular joint dysfunction causes tremendous jaw-related face and head pain and affects one-quarter of fibromyalgia patients. Typically, the problems are related to the muscles and ligaments surrounding the jaw joint and not necessarily the joint itself.

Other Common Symptoms - Non-cardiac chest pain, acid reflux, irregular heart beat or palpitations, shortness of breath, numbness and tingling sensations, the feeling of swollen extremities, chemical sensitivities, nasal congestion, premenstrual syndrome and painful periods, irritable bladder, interstitial cystitis, vulvodynia (vulvar pain), difficulty focusing eyes, dry or burning eyes and mouth, dizziness or feeling faint, profuse sweating, muscle weakness and balance issues can occur. Fibromyalgia patients are often sensitive to odors, loud noises, bright lights, some foods, and often the medications that they are prescribed.

Aggravating Factors - Changes in weather, cold or drafty environments, hormonal fluctuations (premenstrual and menopausal states), stress, depression, anxiety, and over-exertion can all contribute to fibromyalgia symptom flare-ups.

Anggerik2005
7:07 pm
Feb 20, 2010

life is short

2010-02-16T13:27:00.003Z

last saturday our officemate left this world to meet our creator. after almost 2 years suffering from esofagus cancer and at age of 53. inallillah...semuga rohnya ditempatkan bersame orang2 yang beriman. life is short. anggerik feb 16 2010

The happenings

2010-01-25T12:16:00.000Z

Life has been on the fast and unpredictable plan again. I guess that is what we call life is a journey. After coming back from Beijing, I had to bear with swollen joints and painful muscle. It was really unbearable. The whole body was so painful. I tried to ignore and fight. My movement is very limited. Obviously It didn’t help just to ignore and fight. I decided to swallow Celebrex for 3 nights in a row. The swollen fingers reduced and the pain lessens. However, I noticed some other side effect of the chemical which can be very deteriorating. I have trouble breathing as if I had asthmatic attack. Chest pain is unbearable. And I stopped relying on the chemical.

At the same time, ayah had to undergo minor surgery for “pastula” to get him prepared for dialysis. I knew mak wished me to be there. I booked a flight for 2 days back to home town to attend to my family for moral support. I was so extremely tired but the fight and the push was there for me to stay up on my feet ignoring my body pain. With 2 days unplanned/emergency leave; I ended up entertaining my official email and making arrangement for meeting etc while I was at the hospital waiting for ayah’s surgery. Not only that I had to take care of office phone call. Life must go on….

Spending 2 days at my hometown really a blessing.. I felt time just went so very slow and very relaxing. A moment with immediate family members having breakfast together was really a treasure for me.
Flying back to KL and up on my feet with work demand, put me back on busy life. I had almost forgotten the pain…or in fact I ignore it. In fact it is still there. During weekend, I went for massage hoping that the pain will subside. It was subsiding for a while and came back to haunt me.
The best part of last weekend was a birthday celebration of my big man at Kunang-kunang restaurant. We were there till mid-night to enjoy the life band and let the time pass.

So many things in my mind..About change of work place/career path, family, life commitment… all come at the same time.. I swallow and move on…and pray for the best… Perhaps more smiling would helps to balance the stress on life journey…

The happenings

Anggerik merah
January 25, 2010
8:16 pm

The first trip of the year

2010-01-17T01:48:00.002Z

View from my hotel roomBird nest

I was in Beijing for almost a week. Obviously for business trip. Mission accomplished. Was glad to meet some of my Chinese colleagues whom I met many times in the past. Apart from business visit, he had sometime to have a quick look at Tiananmen square and the front gate of Forbidden City in the midst of Beijing cold weather. Tiananmen Square

The weather in Beijing was extremely cold. Ranges from -5 to -16 degree C. I had forgotten about cold weather for a while. Before leaving for Beijing, I had trained my mind not to think about it. Being a fibromyalgia sufferer, I know the weather change will hit me. Yes, I managed to get through it until I arrived home. Then I had to deal with intense pains of my joint and muscle mainly my fingers and feet. I felt almost cripple as I had difficulty to do things, to walk etc. Finally, I had to take the medicine to help me reduce the inflammation and pain. There goes my weekend…and the experience of my first trip of the year.

Will be back for holiday with family during summer.

Anggerik merah
January 17, 2010

A new year re-union, welcome 2010

2010-01-01T12:55:00.002Z

A new year re-union with both lil and big man. Both were away for while from our lil house for holiday and work. Obviously the house was far too lonely without a complete family members around.

I was out to pamper myself at Jentayu Spa from morning till noon. Feel good and energise.

Good bye 2009 and welcome 2010.

Anggerik merah

January 2010
9 pm

A journey continues…

2009-12-31T04:59:00.001Z

Browsing through my blog for the memories captured during year 2009, I reflected what a learning point was during that one year journey. The beauty of blog. Off late, my memory is not so strong to remember many things in the pass especially the happenings in recent years. Maybe my migraine gets worst. My focus is mainly at the moment of time. Take one a day and handle as it come.
Thank you Allah for giving me chance to taste the sweet and the bitter bit of life. For giving me all the strength that I need. Experience is a teacher of life. I accepted all the challenges and teaching through out my life journey. May you continue showing me and others the right direction in this journey. This journey will continue till the end.

Happy New Year 2010 to all. Best wishes in your journey.

Salam,

Anggerik merah
1 pm
December 31, 2009

Ketika cinta bertasbih

2009-12-30T21:31:00.003Z

Bertuturlah cinta
Mengucap satu nama
Seindah goresan sabdamu dalam kitabku
Cinta yang bertasbih
Mengutus Hati ini
Ku sandarkan hidup dan matiku padamu

Bisikkan doaku
Dalam butiran tasbih
Kupanjatkan pintaku padamu
Maha Cinta
Sudah di ubun-ubun cinta mengusik rasa
Tak bisa kupaksa walau hatiku menjerit

Ketika cinta bertasbih nadiku berdenyut merdu
Kembang kempis dadaku merangkai butir cinta
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud syukur padamu atas segala cinta

Bisikkan doaku
Dalam butiran tasbih
Kupanjatkan pintaku padamu Maha Cinta
Sudah di ubun-ubun cinta mengusik rasa
Tak bisa kupaksa walau hatiku menjerit

Ketika cinta bertasbih nadiku berdenyut merdu
Kembang kempis dadaku merangkai butir cinta
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud syukur padamu atas segala cinta
Cinta...

Ketika cinta bertasbih nadiku berdenyut merdu
Kembang kempis dadaku merangkai butir cinta
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud syukur padamu atas segala
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud syukur padamu atas segala cinta

Ketika cinta bertasbih nadiku berdenyut merdu

Doa untuk Kak Moon

2009-12-29T12:51:00.003Z

A call to ask her condition...turn to be a cry. She could not hold her tears , so do I while hearing it from her, after she told me that the cancer had been worst than initially suspected. It has spread through other parts of her body. For now, she doesn't want to go through chemo theraphy again.

Please doa for Kak Maimon so that she could continue to be strong in dealing with her predicament.

AM

Ambition (Childhood life to adulthood)

2009-12-29T09:13:00.004Z

When I was young, I thot I grow up to be anyone of the following:

1. A teacher (obviously because my father and most of family members are teachers. I was also visualizing or role play as a teacher with my imagination of students in a classroom while I was playing alone)

2. A Police Inspector (During my childhood, most friends are boys. I played with boys…all the running around with gun and play police catching the criminal..)

3. A Town planner / an architect (I enjoyed visualising on paper by scathing houses and the town being developed and growing with all the necessary facilities…it was all on paper and the story is lingering in my mind. Only me that understand the story)

4. A Fashion designer (for two reasons: I love playing “anak patung kertas” DIY and all the clothes plus accessories also DIY. This gave me the flexibility and creativity in designing the fashion. Another reason, until I grow-up, I always love the fashion..designed my own cloth and even the my own weeding gown.. I spend tremendously on cloths and tailoring my outfit..)

5. A Singer / an artist ( I love singing since young… and took part into several competitions during school days…not only singing but also poem recitation, debate, public speaking, talentime, choir etc etc)

6. A Doctor (this is not quite my wish but it is more of family wishes…I am not very brave with blood…)

Once I passed the school life entering into real life, I was offered none of the above. I was offered a scholarship for overseas degree to either learnt to be an Engineer or Biochemist/Chemist.. As a kampong girl, I feel that Engineer is not quite suit for ladies, so I opted for Biochemist/Chemist.

In a way, I thought was lucky that I was not offer for Medicine. Maybe I am not qualified to study medicine or the company is very much in need of the two disciplines. If I was offered to study medicine..it was all because a family wish but not my wish. Reflecting those days and growing-up to be who am I, definitely I can’t be a good doctor because I don’t have that much of patient and scared of blood or rather psycho by blood. I need things to go fast and fast. I will kill more people rather than saving their life…grin..

Coming back to accepting to be Biochemist/Chemist… I had no clue what would my career be at that point of time. Chemistry sound as if only one subject that we learnt from form 4 to 5 and continue learning during college. Honestly, I just followed what had been the choice given to me. All I knew, studying abroad was something move me as I love to travel since I was a kid. I was one adventurous person. I love doing something new and seeing new places once in my life. I guest Allah had destined me to be that way. I will get bored doing the same thing after 3 years. Hence, searching new area would make my life more interesting.

As I grow into adulthood, I continued my education in Chemistry for post graduate study since the scholarship was offered to few of us rather that came back to work..i.e no work during recession in late 80’s. I tailored my post-grad study into area of which my expertise would be needed by the company when I completed it. It turned out to be that way after I cam back to work. Still upon my return, recession was continued and I was only paid RM500 by the company through internship program.

Living in KL with RM500 was hard life. I searched job offers in the newspaper. Definitely my application was turned down by chemical plant since I had no experience working. I was only managed to be interviewed as a Chemistry lecturer for prep student to overseas. Honestly, I have no confident that I can be a lecturer. Not that I was afraid that I can’t do it but honestly I felt inferiority complex with students physically bigger than me .. Grin…But with no choice and for the sake of survival I had forces myself to go through the interview. It was not an easy interview with 9 interviewees kept on coming with continuous questions and I had to really answer them instantly. No time to think anymore. Means it has a real and honest answer.

Allah had planned it for me that I was also a lucky one being selected to the second stage of the interview session which again tougher than the first one. If I could recall they were only looking for 3 or 4 candidates out of 10. While waiting for my turn, I had opportunity to talk to other candidate. Most of them had been in teaching line for some years. I was thinking in my mind that I just had to enjoy this interview and not giving a high hope for me being a lucky candidate.

My inner thought about being inferior with my petite size to be a lecturer was really also came to the thought of the interviewees. I didn’t expect that was the last questions they asked me… Being petite in size, do you think that you will get bullied by students? With confident as I sounded through my voice..I said…”size does not matter…what is important is the talent and skill that one has. I do not think that would be a barrier for me to be a lecturer although physically I might be smaller than most students”.

Perhaps my tone of voice really convinces them I am the right candidate although I have zero experience in teaching. I got the job offer for teaching after the interview session. Honestly, my inferiority complex remains. But, again surviving during economic down turn given me no choice but to grap whatever come first. After discussing with my immediate boss in the company that I got the job offer, he holds me back with the promise that he wanted to absorb me as a permanent staff. I had to turn down the offer and soon after that I was absorbed as a permanent staff for Chemical Engineer’s position.

Starting from that moment, I grow my career in the company based on some skill and talent Allah had given me to survive in this world. When I reflected, it was really not something that I envisioned to be from the beginning during my childhood. However, every bit and pieces come together like a jigsaw puzzle to prepare me for what I will be in the future as far as career is concerned.

During early days in my career, we went through induction course and leadership course etc to prepare us to sail through with the growth of organization. I remembered when I was provoked about my future, I instantly said I wish to be a consultant in my area of expertise. That was something that I envisioned myself to be in very far future. I have no clue why I said that.

As I sail through the organization, I had always had opportunity to do what I used to do or imagine during my childhood. I had the opportunity to travels to many places in the world, to sing at some event just for fun/entertainment, to present, speak, facilitate and teach at various events, to be a consultant to relevant discipline related to area of my specialization, to lead various new projects etc etc… I had done what I was expected to do with the right talent I had in me.

After 12 years being in the company, I was finally accepted the scholarship offer for another higher degree. I accepted the offer after 3 years being proposed… It takes that long for me to decide due to various reasons. It was another turning point in my career and life as a whole. Pursuing the degree in engineering which takes me loads of thought if this is really what I want to do in my career life. Again, people said the opportunity doesn’t come very often. With all encouragement and support from bosses and colleagues, I pursue this journey which to me…many trial and tribulation that I had to undergo. It changes me as a person and it change my perception about many things in life which is difficult to define. The journey still continues….

Now that I had been back to join workforce, three years had passed… the cycle come back for the opportunity and ways for me to grow and continue sailing with organization… another turning point which I am still debating inside me….and with HIS guidance to chose and accept the right path. The path that can bring me closer to him and barakah in all my doings…as I realize life is too short and everyday we are closer to the end of life.

That is what ambition during childhood to adulthood takes me through my journey..

Was it really an ambition or was it the path that HE had planned for me?

p/s this entry is not been proof read. Apologise for English and sequence.

Anggerik merah
December 29, 2009
5 pm

Escapism

2009-12-28T14:54:00.006Z

I am all alone at home...both big man & lil man are at Kampung... My escapism to write.... getting back that momentum is a struggle. Sigh...

I am in a jail again...a jail of my mind and thots...

Like my freind said to me ...it is just like a desease...better get rid of it..

AM
Dec 28, 2009
11 pm

Istiqamah

2009-12-28T05:57:00.002Z

background
The literal meaning of "Istiqamah": to go straight into the right direction, acting rightly, allowing no deviation. It is derived from the stem "Qiyyam", which implies the continuity of doing something, following up with it and making sure that it is done in the right way and there is neither deviation nor swerving.
The term has been used by the Qur'an in many verses. Allah the Almighty says:

"Therefore, stand firm (on the straight path) as you are commanded and those who turn in repentance with you. And do not transgress, for He (Allah) sees well all that you do."[Surah Hud (11): ayat 112]

Ibnu Abbas said that this verse was the hardest and most difficult verse of the Qur'an on the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam.
Indeed it is a difficult task to achieve Istiqamah, hence, the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, said; "Be straight on the path or be close to it."
In another verse, Allah the Almighty says:

"So unto this (religion) invite (the people). Stand steadfast as you are commanded and do not follow their desires....."[Surah al-Shura' (42): ayat 15]

Based on these two verses, it can be inferred that Istiqamah is to stand firm and steadfast to what we have been commanded by Allah, i.e. to fulfill obligations and to avoid prohibitions. Also, we should not allow ourselves to follow or be mislead by desires (whether it is our desires or the desires of others) as it will cause deviation and lead us astray.
lessons

According to Ibn al-Qayyim, there are five conditions to achieve Istiqamah in performing required deeds:

The act should be done for the sake of Allah alone (ikhlas).
It should be done on the basis of knowledge ('ilm).
Performing ibadah should be in the same manner that they have been commanded.
To do it in the best way possible.
Restricting oneself to what is lawful while performing those deeds.

According to other scholars of suluk, i.e. behavior, there are certain steps to be followed in order to achieve Istiqamah :

Always being aware of the final destination, i.e. the Day of Judgment (Akhirah). And to use this awareness in a positive way as a motive to do good deeds. One way to do it is through remembering that a person's journey towards Akhirah starts the minute he / she passes away and leaves this world. One of the Salafs said: "If you live until the morning do not wait for the evening and if you live until the evening do not wait for the morning."
Commitment (Musharatah). One has to make a commitment that he/she will be steadfast and will do things in the right way and in the best way possible, and to adhere to conjunctions of Islam. Unfortunately many Muslims are being lenient in making such a commitment.
To make continuous efforts (Mujahadah) to bring that commitment to reality. Some Muslims dare to make the commitment, but dare not to make the effort to make the commitment a reality.
Continuous checking and reviewing of one's deeds (Muraqabah). Being honest with oneself so as not to give false excuses for failing to fulfill a commitment.
Self accountability (Muhasabah). This should be done twice: Firstly, before we start doing something, ensuring that it pleases Allah, that we do it for His sake only, realizing the right way it should be done. Secondly, after the action has been done, to check whether we have achieved what we aimed for, and to check for defects and shortcomings, and that we still could have done it better by not being satisfied with our action.
Blaming oneself for not doing it perfectly after it has been done. Self blaming here is a positive one by using it as a motive, and by aiming for improvement and having the intention of doing things better next time. This leads to making another commitment and continual commitments to improve our performance.
Striving for improvement (Tahsin). We have to make improvements in all that we do (daily activities, work, actions, good deeds, ibadah, etc.) as one of our objectives.

To be humble towards Allah, realizing that no one is perfect except Him, seeking His forgiveness, guidance and support.
It should be emphasized that these steps/conditions apply to worldly matters as well as ibadah and good religious deeds.

Factors that lead to the weakening of Istiqamah include:

Committing sins (ma'siah), insisting on repeating them again and again, without istighfar (seeking Allah's forgiveness) and without practicing repentance.
Shirk (associating anything with Allah) whether in intentions, by showing off our good deeds to others, seeking others' appraisal, avoiding being blamed by others, being afraid of someone, or to seek rewards from others than Allah. This part of shirk is also called riyya' or showing off. All these lead to deviation in Istiqamah, and when these stimuli are not there, the person's work is not perfect any more and it is not done in the best way possible.
Nifaq (hypocrisy). There are two forms of nifaq: in belief and in action. The Muslim who surrenders totally to the will of Allah and accept Islam based on his/her choice is free from the first form of hypocrisy. However any Muslim is subject to and should avoid the second form of nifaq which the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, warned us about: Not keeping promises and breaking them continuously without good reasons or excuses, not fulfilling commitments we make with others, being aggressive and unjust to others in quarrels, and disputes, failing to shoulder responsibilities/burdens we are entrusted with, etc. All these bad qualities should be avoided since they lead to the weakening of our Istiqamah.
Bida'ah (innovations in ibadah), whether genuine bida'ah (performing ibadah which has not been ascribed by Shariah, i.e. revelation), or relative bida'ah (failing to observe the requirements of doing ibadah - the five criteria discussed in Hadith 5), will lead to decreasing the quality of good action or ibadah.

There are other factors that also contribute to the weakening of Istiqamah, such as: recklessness, reluctance, heedlessness, being overwhelmed by a deceiving enjoyment, and being mislead by self interests and desires.

Applying the above mentioned steps and requirements pinpointed by scholars will help in overcoming all these obstacles and barriers.

conclusion
Istiqamah is an important Islamic concept. Its significance can be seen where every Muslim is required to recite Surah al-Fatihah at least seventeen times each day seeking continual guidance to the straight path from Allah.

Source:
http://fortyhadith.iiu.edu.my/hadith21.htm

40 tips for a better life (a reflection and keep improving…)

2009-12-28T05:40:00.002Z

Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day.
And while you walk, smile.
Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
Sleep for 7 hours.
Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
Play more games..
Read more books than you did in previous year.
Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
Dream more while you are awake.
Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
Drink plenty of water.
Try to make at least three people smile each day.
Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
Forget issues of the past.
Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
Smile and laugh more.
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
Don't hate others.
Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
Don't compare your partner with others.No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
Forgive everyone for everything.What other people think of you is none of your business.
GOD ! heals everything.However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.The best is yet to come.
No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
Do the right thing!
Call your family often.
Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
Each day give something good to others.
Don't over do. Keep your limits.
When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
Please Forward this to everyone you care about.

Warkah untuk sahabat

2009-12-27T10:13:00.002Z

Salam untuk mu sahabatku…

Semuga hari-hari yang dijalani sentiasa diberkati oleh Nya dan sentiasa didalam landasan yang lurus.

Mulut ini amat sukar untuk menyatakan apa yang sebenarnya tersirat dan tersurat disetiap pertemuan kita. Lalu jari jemari ini mencuba untuk melakarkan dan menterjemahkan sekadar yang mampu. Masih lagi kaku terasa jari-jari yang lemah ini... Sekiranya dapat dilakukan..adalah lebih baik apa yang ada di dalam kotak fikiran ini dapat dibaca tanpa menggunakan tutur kata dan penulisan. Seperti orang bisu dan buta. Yang dapat melihat dan merasa melalui mata hati. Tapi hati ini menagihkan kelapangan, kebahagiaan dan ketenangan... maka biarlah jari ini dapat sekiranya berkata-kata...

Sahabatku..izinkan diriku mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih diatas persahabatan di antara kita. Satu persahabatan yang sebenarnya sukar untuk di tafsirkan. Terlalu banyak yang telah di kongsi sepanjang perjalanan kehidupan ini tanpa disedari ataupun tidak disedari.

Sekiranya perjalanan hidup diri ini ditakdirkan lebih singkat, izinkan diri ini memohon ampun dan maaf sekiranya disepanjang persahabatan ini ada cacat cela dan perkataan yang di luahkan menyebabkan dirimu berkecil hati yang menjadikan diri ini berdosa. Diri ini insan yang serba kekurangan. Kadang-kadang lalai untuk memuhasabah diri disebabkan kehidupan yang terlalu pantas ini. Sebenarnya diri ini masih lagi mencari-cari apa yang lebih penting dalam hidup ini disetiap kali ujian yang diberikan olehNya. Keinginan kita dan apa yang lebih utama didalam hidup kita mungkin juga berbeza. Itulah kebesaran Nya menjadikan pertemuan diantara dua sahabat agar kehidupan ini dikongsi dan dipelajari bersama...

Sahabatku... hidup kita melalui fasa yang berbeza yang kadang kala merubah diri kita yang asal. Ada kelebihan yang kita diberi olehNya, mungkin akan ditarik balik dan diberi kelebihan yang lain. Begitulah perjalanan hidup yang singkat ini. Sesungguhnya diri ini terasa gementar dan takut untuk menghadapi perjalanan kehidupan yang singkat ini. Takut sekiranya hati ini dipesongkan kearah terlalu menjuruskan kepada kebendaan didunia yang hanya sementara sebelum tiba saat dipanggil pulang.

Berlabuhnya tahun yang berlalu dan datangnya tahun yang baru, semuga kita sentiasa dilindungi oleh Nya, dirahmati Nya and hati kita sentiasa dekat kepadaNya, kerana itulah sebenarnya kebahagiaan yang suci dan kekal abadi. Pengalaman yang lalu menjadi pengajaran kepada kehidupan di masa hadapan..

Sahabatku, sekali lagi izin kan diri ini memohon ampun dan maaf dan juga berterima kasih diatas persahabatan ini. Terima kasih kerana memberi kekuatan didalam persahabatan ini dan meluangkan masa yang sekadar mampu. Semuga hati ini diberi kelapangan dan kebahagiaan setelah dapat menyatakan terima kasih diatas perkongsian persahabatan ini seperti matahari yang menyinari kembali hari-hari yang pernah gelap dan dingin.

Semuga kita dapat meneruskan perjuangan hidup ini dengan dilimpahi kebahagiaan yang abadi dan penuh keceriaan.

Salam persahabatan dari,

Anggerik Merah
December 27, 2009
5:41 pm

The Day's Motivation

2009-12-27T01:33:00.004Z

First, i was dying to finish my high school and start college

And then i was dying to finish college and start working

Then i was dying to marry and have children

to grow old enough

so i could go back to work

But then i was dying to retire

And now i am dying...

And suddenly i realized

i forgot to live

Please don't let this happen to you

Appreciate your current situation

and enjoy each day

... old friend

To make money we lose our health,

and then to restore our helath we lose our money...

We live as if we are never going to die,

and we die as if we never lived...

Life is very short, so break your silly ego, forgive quickly, believe slowly, love truly, laugh loudly & never avoid anything that makes you smile.

The Day's Motivation

When I woke up this morning lying in bed, I was asking myself;

What are some of the secrets of success in life? I found the answer right there, in my very room.

THE FAN SAID.... BE COOL

THE ROOF SAID... AIM HIGH

THE WINDOW SAID... SEE THE WORLD

THE CLOCK SAID... EVERY MINUTE IS PRECIOUS

THE MIRROR SAID... REFLECT BEFORE YOU ACT

THE CALENDAR... BE UP-TO-DATE

THE DOOR SAID... PUSH HARD FOR YOUR GOALS

Carry a Heart that Never Hates. Carry a Smile that Never Fades. Carry a Touch that Never Hurts.

HAVE A PURPOSEFUL LIFE!

Anggerik merah

Dec 27, 2009

10 am

Maal Hijrah & Sleep test

2009-12-21T15:44:00.003Z

Salam Maal Hijrah untuk semua waluapun dah beberapa hari berlalu. Semuga kita semua dilindungi oleh Allah diatas setiap kehidupan kita di muka bumi ini.

Hari minggu yang panjang disambung dari Maal Hijrah menjadi masa and waktu untuk saya merehatkan diri. Setelah beberapa lama kembali bermasaalah dengan tidur, saya membuat keputusan untuk bertemu pakar. Untuk permulaannya saya di suruh menjalani Sleep Test. Maka saya menghadirkan diri di hospital untuk tidor setelah badan saya di lekatkan dengan peralatan untuk sleep test.

Buat masa ini saya memaksa diri untuk menghabiskan kerja2 pejabat sebelum saya bercuti akhir tahun.

Anggerik M
December 21, 2009
11:50 pm

Been a while

2009-12-11T09:35:00.001Z

It has been a while since I last blog. Life has been rather in the fast lane with too many on the plate.

Anggerikmerah

Teaching skill & being a mother

2009-11-15T16:24:00.001Z

Last week was a rather focus week for me as I was involved in ensuring the course was running smoothly i.e. the students (company staff) really gain significant knowledge after attending this course. I also served as line trainer i.e delivering course on the first and last day. This was the first time I had ever given such a long course. Talking and stimulating discussion from 8:30 am to 5:00 pm. Brushing up my teaching skill was something that I love doing. Work and knowledge I had gather since 20 years ago which still retain somewhere in my memory box became handy. My mind always reflected several experiences and knowledge I gathered many years in the past. It was just like down memory lane. Although I felt easily exhausted but felt the satisfaction. My teaching skill needs some polishing though.

The course was held in the hotel connected to Hard rock café. I had never been to hard rock café KL… During one of the night, when big man and lil man came to pick me up from hotel, the three of us had our dinner at Hard rock Café.

Weekend was moment to be waited after a week of classroom event. I went for cycling and did house chores. Some moment of tense with my lil man. This makes me feel that I fail to be a good mother. I guest I do not have much patient being a mother of a single child teenager with mild autism. I lost the mother touch and understanding. A good cry really helps to release the emotion. Life is like that… full of challenges... a challenges being a mother

Anggerik merah
November 16, 2009
12:30 am

Stay back & cari makan

2009-11-04T15:14:00.004Z

My friends and I had to stay in the office for telecon meeting with UK from 6 pm to 12 midnight Malaysia time. None of us would want to fly to UK for a short one day meeting considering too much on our plate at this point of time to handle in office. Travelling time would be tiring and takes longer time than to be in the meeting. We packed ourselves with 2 sets of pizza for dinner and stay on to participate in the meeting. It was not 100% efficient as compared to if we physically present there. But at least we get to contribute up to 80% would be good enough.

Today, I dropped dead in the morning. My fibromialgia with paint on my left side fingers came back since the last 2 days plus intense migrane. I can't really stand the rainy and cold weather. This easily triggered the problem. Hence my GP covers me with MC today so that I can sleep more and rest more as needed.

I must admit, it is too much workload to handle which in some ways raise my stress level. October and November seems to be very busy month in the office. Many times I promise to take things easy. But with so many official appointment given to me to participate and involve in Leadership team and several capability building initiatives really creates high stress level until I am able to manage it. The term some of us use..."cari makan" sound too familiar to me.

Anggerik merah
Oct 4, 2009 11:28 pm

Life journey

2009-10-25T11:17:00.003Z

A week had passed. That 3 days made me reminisce my childhood memory, how I grown up to be who am I until now, the sweet & bitter experiences in life as how Allah had it planned for me. Soul searching, life role model, true happiness and the ultimate destination in life…. Indeed life is a journey.

It protrudes through my heart and soul…. It is a shocked that I was longing for a long time…. HE had made me see it true only several years ago… the detachment and the love is only for HIM. The rest is what HE had loaned me… That feeling had come and goes in this rat race world I am in. I know, deep inside me I can’t reach it out.

Thank you ALLAH for bringing me back to that moment… all my life YOU had determined my path in life. At time I was too weak to realize and to accept it. Always, I am trying to find an answer which was in fact already there in this humble little heart overshadowed with undefined and searching for the true meaning of happiness.

Barangsiapa yang berdoa pada-Ku pasti akan Aku kabulkan, barangsiapa yang memohon pada-Ku, pasti akan Aku beri, dan barangsiapa yang memohon ampun pada-Ku pasti akan Aku ampuni. (HR. Bukhari Muslim)

Ya Allah Ya Tuhan kami, Engkau lembutkan lah hati kami seluruh umat mu di muka bumi ini untuk mengabdikan diri hanya kepadaMu. Bimbinglah kami ke jalan yang lurus dan jalan yang Engkau redhai. Ampunkan lah dosa-dosa kami dan terimalah taubat kami.

Anggerik merah
Oct 25, 2009

Demi matahari...

2009-10-16T16:48:00.002+01:00

Demi Matahari Dan Sinarnya Di Pagi Hari..
Demi Bulan Apabila Mengiringi..
Demi Siang Apabila Menampakkan Diri..
Demi Malam Apabila Menutupi..
Demi Langit Dan Seluruh Binaannya..
Demi Bumi Dan Semua Yang Ada Di Permukaannya..
Demi Jiwa Dan Penyempurnaannya..
Allah Mengilhami Sukma Kebaikan Dan Keburukan..
Beruntung Lah Siapa Yang Mensucikannya..
Rugi Lah Siapa Yang Mengotorinya..

Angkatan ke -40 KL
16 Oct 2009

Life without maid

2009-10-11T05:05:00.003+01:00

House work is never ending and very repitetive to me. Sinking my weekend with house chores means less time for socialising and resting. We use to have a half day helper to do house cleaning but I am not very satisfied with her work. Many of my things "pecah" because her work style is so rough. I am looking for a new helper which can come twice a week and also doing ironing. Arranging to have one next week.

Yesterday another visit to Jentayu Spa to pamper myself.. The different this time is that I have to bare more than than usual during massage. It shows my deteriorating body after more than a month sans massage. Cycling do help to sweat and improve coordination. Much more work need to be done. I had enrolled myself for Celebrity Fitness Club to be opened next month just walking distance to a new mall. Keeping body and mind in synergy to keep going in life.

Anggerik Merah
Oct 11, 2009
12:17 pm

life goes on...

2009-10-09T19:54:00.003+01:00

Still in the mood of raya. Full of Raya gathering at office and during weekend. Meeting old friends, new friends and relatives makes life more lively.

While the office work is tons and tons...never ending. Can't even re-distribute the work load properly. Meeting after meeting, workshop after workshop... make my blood goes upstairs when I feel so tired... Many NO coming from me. Forget about workoholic.... I am not....and struggle to get things done. Some new responsibility is given to me which I could not say NO if I want to stay in the corporate world unless I have other options.

But life goes on... and I am looking forward for weekend...cycling...

AM
3 am
Oct 10, 2009

4th Anniversary & Eid Mubarak

2009-09-13T02:19:00.003+01:00

It has been 4 years since I first blogged. Time flies…

Surely I will continue … with Anggerik Merah as long as my fingers still able to knock-knock the keyboard. And this space is my space whenever I feel like writing on anything I feel like to write… the fun, the good, the bad and the ugly side of story… But mainly about my story…

This weekend was a bit of lonely weekend for my little family. Big man went back to hometown for his freelance work & meeting since Friday night. Leaving me with lil man… We both miss him and his home cook. This home misses one energy and loudness of rattling, laughing, quarrelling as part of day to day life. I wonder how they both feel whenever I was away…

Eid is coming soon… hati dan perasaan saya masih diawang-awangan… seperti tergantung diantara akan menghilangnya Ramadhan dan akan menjelmanya Syawal… Kegembiraan menyambut Syawal tidak seperti masa-masa yang lalu sewaktu muda… Entahlah…

Untuk semua rakan – rakan bloggers yang mengenali saya sebagai Anggerik Merah atau pun secara peribadi, ingin saya menyusun jari sepuluh ini memohon ampun dan maaf dari hujung rambut hingga ke hujung kaki seandainya ada salah silap dan keterlanjuran bahasa dan ungkapan dari saya. Sebagai manusia biasa saya selalu membuat kesilapan. Semuga hati ini bersih dari dosa-dosa yang lalu.

Selamat menyambut Syawal dengan penuh kegembiraan dan selamat sampai ke kampung halaman..

Salam kasih sayang untuk semua…

Anggerik merah
September 13, 2009
9:45 am

Yang pergi

2009-09-06T09:02:00.002+01:00

Dalam masa seminggu dah 2 orang saudara mara di kampung telah dipanggil oleh NYA. Kedua-duanya pergi dengan tiada meninggalkan tanda-tanda yang mendadak untuk pergi . Innalillah... semuga Allah meletakkan mereka di dalam golongan orang yang beriman. AMIN.

Anggerik merah
4:05 pm
September 6, 2009

Mencari motivasi

2009-09-05T03:47:00.005+01:00

Motivasi sangat penting dalam hidup saya. Saya perlukan motivasi yang amat tinggi untuk melakukan sesuatu supaya saya boleh pergi "all out for it". Semasa menjadi pilot case interviewee memang consultant british tu dapat pick-up strong karaktor saya..highly motivated, self driven etc etc.. keputusan interview memang match dengan soalan tulisan sebelum interview...

Disebabkan saya naturally berperangai begitu...setelah jatuh saya terpaksa mencari butang hijau kembali supaya saya dapat semula kekuatan itu..

Semalam saya godek2 diopis saya informasi berkenaan dengan Emotional Spiritual Quotients (ESQ) training (http://esq.com.my/v1/ )yang telah saya cadangkan dan di persetujui sebagai salah satu training yang saya akan pergi untuk tahun ini. Saya kontek organiser dan uruskan untuk mendapat kelulusan dari organisasi. Insyaallah pertengahan bulan depan saya plan untuk mengikuti training ini. Mengikut kata kawan2 yang terdahulu pergi, training ini adalah lain dari yang lain. Saya juga ingin melaluinya supaya saya dapat memperkemaskan leadership saya yang mengabungi intellectual, emotional dan spiritual.

Agaknya saya masih lagi tercari-cari role model dalam hidup saya walaupun saya dah tua... sesuatu yang dapat terus melekat dihati saya supaya saya tak gentar menghadapi kegagalan walau dalam bentuk apa pun.. Lebih pasrah dah redha dengan ketentuan Ilahi. Bukan senang nak membentuk hati. Kadang-kadang kekal dan kadang-kadang hanyut dalam material world ini..

Saya mengambil beberapa ketika mendengar feedback dari alumni ESQ dalm website itu. Sangat memberangsangkan...tetapi seharusnya ia terus dapat dikekalkan walaupun selepas melalui training itu. Saya berharap begitu untuk diri saya. Lagu "A hero lies in you" menyentuh hati saya...

Didalam blog ini banyak saya memperkatakan tentang diri saya kerana ini adalah tempat untuk saya meluahkan isi otak supaya saya dapat menyusun kembali negative energy yang ada dalam diri saya. Pada September 13, 2009 nanti dah cukup 4 tahun saya berblog. Masa yang cukup panjang bagi saya... Semuanya bermula semasa saya diperantauan menjalani hidup sebagai pelajar... Sangat penting dapat meluahkan isi otak supaya dapat megisikan dengan ilmu-ilmu yang baru dipelajari...

Saya yang mencari motivasi diri..

Anggerik merah
11:20 am
September 5, 2009

A hero lies in you

Hmm
There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Oh oooh
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away, hey yeah

Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

That a hero lies in you
Mhhh
That a hero lies in You

Cuba menulis lagi

2009-09-03T09:37:00.004+01:00

Hari ini saya bekerja dari rumah. Beberapa bulan yang lalu saya telah berbincang dengan bos saya untuk bekerja dari rumah pasa hari hari tertentu bagi menyiapkan pembetulan thesis saya yang terbengkalai. Bos saya bersetuju dengan cadangan saya. Sekiranya ada mesyuarat yang penting saya akan pergi ke pejabat. Dengan sikap saya yang selalu memberikan 150% commitment untuk tugas, memang sukar bagi saya untuk kembali focus pada pembetulan thesis. Saya selalu mengingatkan diri saya atau cuba memotivasikan diri saya dengan berkata “tiada yang lain lebih penting kecuali thesis saya yang utama…“ Lebih kurang begitulah saya cuba psycho pemikiran saya. Tapi akhirnya saya masih tak dapat memberi tumpuan penuh… Saya lemah dan kesal..

Hari ini saya telah mencadangkan kepada pihak pengurusan untuk saya tarik diri dari memegang peranan dalam salah satu working group yang saya rasa saya sudah memberi yang terbaik selepas hampir dua tahun didalam working group itu. Saya harus melakukan ini kerana semakin banyak beban tugas yang telah diberikan kepada saya yang mana tanggungjawapnya lebih berat untuk melaksanakan. Satu working group saya tinggalkan, ada beberapa yang datang menyusul untuk saya…

Mungkin kerana saya sudah banyak memainkan peranan dan menampakkan diri saya semula di dalam organisasi. Saya cuba untuk jadi “low profile” untuk beberapa ketika tetapi lama-kelamaan saya kembali sebagai saya yang dulu… suka berdialog, memberi idea dan pendapat… Sekarang saya terpaksa belajar mengawal diri dari banyak bercakap kerana saya tahu tak semua warga organisasi suka berdialog, open-minded dan berhujah untuk merealasasikan sesuatu matlamat. Jadi, saya harus lebih berhati-hati walaupun saya tahu itu bukan cara yang effektif bagi saya…

Saya masih belajar bagaimana untuk balance work and life. Kadang2 saya berjaya tapi kadang-kadang tak berjaya. Saya yang suka menyelesaikan pekerjaan secepat mungkin apabila tugas & tanggungjawap diberikan seperti hari esok sudah tiada… ini yang saya harus balance kembali. Semenjak beberapa bulan yang lalu saya sudah hadkan masa saya bekerja. Saya mahu menumpukan masa yang lebih untuk hal-hal lain yang lebih penting dalam hidup. Semuga Ramadhan ini memberi saya peluang untuk lebih focus kepada erti kehidupan yang sebenar.

Saya yang cuba menulis lagi…

Gambar hiasan diambil sewaktu di Habtoor Resort & Spa, Jumeirah Road , Dubai

pix 1: outside Thai Restaurant
pix 2: spa toilet
pix 3: table in Thai restaurant

Anggerikmerah
Sep 3, 2009
4:40 pm

Harga jari jemari

2009-09-01T10:12:00.006+01:00

Jari jemari sangatlah berharga bagi saya. Juga semua anggota badan yang Allah pinjamkan. Semenjak saya didiagnose "fibromyalgia" yang telah bermula dari masaalah jari jemari saya, saya terpaksa mengawal kekerapan menggunakan jari jemari saya. Ini termasuklah berinternet, blogging dan juga kerja2 di pejabat saya yang memerlukan banyak ketuk mengetuk keyboard. Mungkin selama ini saya kurang memberi perhatian kepada betapa berharganya setiap anggota badan yang dipinjamkan. Satu peringatan untuk saya supaya bersyukur keatas segala pemberian dari Allah.

Kebelakangan ini saya kurang untuk menulis and menaip. Banyak bercakap, berdialog, memberi inspirasi kepada kawan2 di pejabat terutama yang masih muda untuk berusaha bersungguh-sungguh untuk mengembangkan perjalanan career yang mereka pilih. Itu sumbangan yang dapat saya berikan.

Untuk keluarga saya, lebih banyak masa saya peruntukkan dengan lil man dan big man. Mereka adalah semangat hidup saya.

Selamat berbuka puasa untuk semua..

Anggerikmerah
Sept 1, 2009
5:22 pm

My LOVE

2009-08-31T09:34:00.005+01:00

My love, we have seen it all
The Endless confession,The rise and fall
As fragile as a child
Lately I'm sorry I can't hold a smile

But I stand tall to get by
No matter how hard I try to hide
Did you know I take the time for you
Did you know that I would see you through
Did you know that I would play the part
I must've made it clear right from the start

My love, can you give me strength
Somehow I forgot how to ease my pain
I know I'm right where I belong
Something from nothing never proved me wrong

But I stand tall to get by
No matter how hard I try to hide
Did you know I take the time for you
Did you know that I would see you through
Did you know that I would play the part
I must've made it clear right from the start

I would shade my whole life with you
Would you do the same for me
I would give all I am to you
Would you do the same for me

And I will stand tall to get by
No matter how hard I try to hide
Could you see I've been brave
Did you notice all my mistakes
There were times I could feel you read my mind

Did you know I take the time for you
Did you know that I would see you through
Did you know that I would play the part
I know I made it clear right from the start

To the LOVE of my life...

Anggerik merah
4:43 pm
August 31, 2009

A glance of Dubai

2009-08-29T10:28:00.004+01:00

Anggerik merah

August 29 2009

5:45 pm

RAMADHAN KAREEM

2009-08-21T17:10:00.001+01:00

Salam untuk semua.

Selamat menyambut Ramadhan. Semuga segala ibadah kita akan diberkati oleh Allah.

Ampun dan maaf seandainya ada yang tersinggung dan terkasar.

Salam dari
Anggerik Merah
12:12 am
August 22, 2009

2009-08-09T01:59:00.002+01:00

The above pictures, I captured during my transit (to Mexico City) at Terminal 5, Heathrow Airport. A nive advert by Nokia.

Life have been on a mix of slow and fast lane. Slow because my body need it to be that way and fast because my brain need it to be that way.

Responsibility at work is increasing tremendously and learn to say NO to some that I will not be able give the great impact. As much I could, I am selective in doing things. Maybe the feeling of nothing to look forward to is there...

Will be on business trip again in a week time. This time to Dubai for a few days. A good break I had for almost 2 months just stay around within country. My for a while lost fren said to me that he didn't envy my travel here and there. I smiled at him and said that "me too". But most of the time, it is not by choice. The work require it...

Family has been back in tack ... quite a lonley life staying home alone. Guess what... I jailed myself in the house even during weekend when my two men were away from home. I watched all my favourite TV... Oprah. Anjakan Paradigma, Forum Perdana, Astro Oasis, world news, CEO Exchange, All the wanita series.... Yes, I reduced my activities on computer due to my fibromyalgia pain from shoulder down to fingers... Activities on computers include the work related. Tough ordeal...Both my arms are not doing too well. My fingers hurts, stiff and numb at a time. I am not complaining and trying best to deal with it. Redha dengan ketentuan disamping mencuba jalan pegubatannya. Alhamdullilah..

As the climb get really steep in many things, I took a deep breath and let it go. Keep the positive thots in mind...

Anggerik merah

August 9, 2009

9:08 am

The Climb

2009-08-01T18:58:00.002+01:00

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah

Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all aboutIt's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

Hadiah harijadi

2009-07-25T07:10:00.003+01:00

Hadiah harijadi ku tahun ini adalah memastikan diriku sihat sejahtera. Appointment di klinik Datuk Dr Siddiq dibuat untuk menjalankan analysis menggunakan teknologi baru mammogram. Teknologi mengguna electrical resistivity.

Semasa sessi kaunseling dengan doktor, analysis menunjukkan ada hot spot di bahagian kiri payudara, belakang nipple. Mengikut physical examination oleh Doktor, tak ada lump. Doktor telah membuat kesimpulan ini adalah berkaitan dengan "Estrogen Dominant". Hormon imbalance yang menjadi punca kepada hot spot itu. Doktor membuat analysis hormon dan keputusannya hanya akan diketahui minggu depan. Untuk masa ini doktor memberi hormon cream yang perlu digosok dibahagian kulit lembut setiap malam, B-complex kapsul dan juga magnesium oil untuk merendam kaki didalm air setiap malam.

Semuanya ini adalah alternative therapy untuk dicuba bagi masaalah fibromyalgia, chronic fatique dan juga hormon imbalance. Pastinya, diet mesti dijaga untuk darah jenis O positive. Saya harus buka semuala buku untuk membaca apa yang saya perlu makan dan apa yang mesti di letak ke tepi. Kesibukan hidup membuatkan saya dah tak berapa kritikal dengan makanan yang saya ambil.

Fikiran saya agak blur buat masa ini memikirkan apa yang harus saya lakukan seterusnya. Saya akan menunggu hari Sabtu depan untuk mengetahui dan berbincang lagi dengan doktor berkenaan dengan hadiah harijadi saya ini. Apapun saya mesti menerima dan mencuba yang terbaik untuk bertambah sihat.

Kedua-dua lelaki kesayangan saya masih di kampung. Dah 2 minggu saya keseorangan dirumah. Hujung minggu depan mereka akan pulang.

Saya tahu saya agak kebingunggan dengan perkara ini. Macam-macam berlegar dalam kepala saya. Tapi saya masih meneruskan rutin weekend saya berbasikal untuk mengeluarkan peluh. Cuma saya kena tahu bila saya raya penat, saya tak boleh lagi stretch over limit..

Anggerik merah
July 25, 2009
2:25 pm

Blessing of another year

2009-07-22T07:02:00.007+01:00

Tomorrow, July 23, 2009... blessing of another additional year of my life. Thank you Allah for all that you had given me....

I have less effort of posting blog entry due to my fingers which constantly acking... Once in awhile I became a silence blog reader to some spaces of my interest...and some short note to old friends. Other than that I tried not to stare at PC too much at night after coming back from work. Will see if my eyes getting better.... This some little challenges in life leads to deeper thought about life and the life after...

My wish list...

Keep smiling...be happy...

And some basic necessity of life..

Happy b'day to Anggerik Merah...

23 July 2009

Life goes on

2009-07-03T12:17:00.004+01:00

Exactly after 2 weeks my brother in law passed away, it followed by Pak Long. It struck my mind that in our family the death does not happened too frequent. But once happened at least 2 others will follow. Pak Long follows... Much to write about Pak Long and until know my finger can't even write about it. Maybe one fine day... Yang pergi terus pergi...meniggalkan kenangan dan kebaikan yang ditinggalkan...yang masih hidup harus meneruskan kehidupan..

As of last night too many not so good news heard from back home. Father in law is still in ICU after 4 hours of operation due to complication with hernea and intestine. Big man had to rush back while I have to stay home to get lil man finish his final exam.

My blood test, brain CT scan and EEG was done this morning. Alhamdullilah so far CT scan are good and blood test shows reducing level of good and bad cholesterol... but my migrane still persist as indicated by EEG. My once in a while lost of vision could be due to migrane.

I have to be back on aggressive cycling after too pre-occupied with many things in life especially during weekend. I am tempted to treat myself for my b'day which will fall end of this month... The temptation is a slightly higher end mountain bike for more comfort for an off road and long distance cycling... and something that I could affort to pay...

Life goes on..

Have a nice weekend!

Anggerik merah
July 3 2009
7:30 pm

Masih jelas

2009-06-26T20:44:00.002+01:00

Beralih musim ke musim
Hati tetap serupa
Tiada yang berubah
Dari hari dikau pergi
Dikau pergi

Penjara... hidup ini penjara
Tanpa ada simpati
Kepada sang kekasih
Yang dilanda, yang dilanda
Kehilangan...

Masih jelas setiap garisan halus
Bila senyuman kau ukirkan untukku
Masih jelas setiap lekuk penjuru
Menghiasi wajahmu
Waktu kau renung aku

Ratib sendu...
Ratib sendu bergetar dalam kalbu
Hingga menitis linang
Dari kelopak mata
Keranaku keranamu dipisahkan

Masih jelas setiap garisan halus
Bila senyuman kau ukirkan untukku
Masih jelas setiap lekuk penjuru
Menghiasi wajahmu
Waktu kau renung aku

Sudah suratan takdir begini
Segalanya sementara
Selagi hayatku masih ada
Kau bertakhta di hatiku

Beralih musim ke musim
Hati tetap serupa
Tiada yang berubah
Dari hari dikau pergi
Dikau pergi
Dikau pergi

Twenty-one

2009-06-18T01:05:00.003+01:00

Another year to create

precious memories together.

Another year to discover

new things to enjoy about each other.

Another year to build

a life rich in love and laughter.

Another year to strengthen

a marriage that defines "forever."

Happy 21th Wedding Anniversary!

Note: Thanks baba for a lovely home cook beriyani to celebrate our another year...

Anggerik merah

June 17, 2009

window wishes

2009-06-11T07:48:00.008+01:00

Window 1

Window 2

Window 3

For the last one weeks, the three windows are my view during my fighting hard to get "FOCUS". Focus is not easy for my brain as it is always wanting to be distracted. Being alone is also a challenge for me... Cut-off from talking and meeting people for a moment of time and being away from LOVE one... just so dragging. Anyway...

Story about windows

Window 1:

For 4 days I was looking thru this window... in the midth of receiving sad news about demise of my youngest brother in law, fighting with PMS (i.e....wanting to sleep and no apetite to eat...thank God that I am now better at managing anger due to hormone change...), Force...force to recall what I had written... make some little progress I must say..

The room is extremely cool. No heater at all time. Padded myself with thick cloth. My wishes is that... please let the weather be better and better everyday...more sunlight

Window 2:

I had to move for one night because no room available. My beloved fren took me to her apartment, cook dinner for me. Yet, I am too tired to even think about dinner. I dozed off till early morning. When I woke up she left note to inform me that she went to school and to ask me help myself with food etc. She wishes me to stay with her so that I can be focused and don't have to spend money for accommodation outside. Many times I had to explain that I would prefer to stay on campus as I need to walk around when my brain got stuck and I could meet more people in the campus..

My previous experience had thot me a big lessons that I could not force to the maximum limit ...i.e. jailed myself for some period of time. I went to the opposite direction of being totally lost. The moral of the story for me is that get out for a while and come back. Something that was never in my vocabulary of life in the past. I kept on going and going endlessly just for the sake of there is no more tomorrow until I manage to sort things out...

While I am facing window no2....even for a short while, I do feel that experience again. Instead of kept going, I turn on music and did some aerobic exercise alone to warm up and loosen up some stiff muscle..

Boy...it helps...but I still feel lonely.

Next, I am ready to move back to the same place as window 1. But, my window wish is that...let it be heater in the room to keep me reasonably warm, the table is closer to window so that I can always look outside, the window is greener and nicer view than the first one.

Window 2 has lovely view also... but I felt I jailed myself again in window 2 for not be able to associate much with outside world...

Window 3:

While checking in for window 3, i complained that the previous room was very cool. The reception told me that they normally switch-off the heater during summer and this is common the the local to experience this typical weather. I could only smile...and in my heart..yes..I had experience it but I have left it and my body can't stand it now... But the good thing is that they offer me extra duvet..

I checked-in to window 3 to find that the table was near the window and plenty of natural light that I can enjoy. I could only stay for about one hour in the room due to cold.. I got out to get some food from nearby store and came back to room. I was dancing to joy to find out that the heater was turned-on.

That was my mambo jumbo about window wishes.

Thanks Allah for my wishes come through. I hope I am not asking far to much.

Another most important thing is that I always pray in my life to be associated with kind hearted and nice people/friends who wish to be with me unconditionally.... and I do the same in return.

Yes, indeed in everyday of my life that wishes always come true. Too many that offering help and to be associated. Alhamdullilah and I am greatful for that wishes. May Allah pay back their kindnest and friendship.

I am counting days, yet I must admit progress is not as I expected. My wish is to make an exponential progress within a short time that remain. AMIN.

Salam from

Anggerik Merah

8:31 am

June 11, 2009

Source of inspiration

2009-06-07T15:52:00.003+01:00

Lil man has grown up to be big man #2 at exponential rate. Mama can always ask his opinion in many things. Just like a close fren. If mama need motivation and word of wisdom or a dua to help on getting the ball rolling, big man #2 can sometimes very mature in giving that motivation. I am amazed with his sudden maturity. Alhamdullilah, now I have 2 body guards in my life who always protect me in their own way...

Thank you darling...I miss you and I love you very much. Please dua for me in your prayer..

You are my precious gift of life ...my source of inspiration

Anggerik merah
June 7, 2009
4 pm

Away - cool - bike! (update -innalillah)

2009-06-06T06:41:00.006+01:00

I am now in a faraway land again. I thot I could tolerate with cold weather slightly better...I was wrong. Right now the accommodation that I stay is so cool.... I am half freezing...feel like do not want to take shower and just wanna be under the duvet.

After finishing work related event for technical society for a week as a committe member, I have decided to stay longer here to do whatever I need to do. Lucky enough the guy from travel agent manage to re-arrange my flight ticket in the midth of his holiday with family. Here I am in the land of where I used to be some years ago...

I need to inform my bos about my overstay at my own cost and fix accommodation for the rest of the week.

I missed my family very much...especially both my men and my mom. It is countless time I called them everyday using local mobile as I could not afford to pay high phone bill using roaming service everytime I travel overseas...

I am not sure if the weather really make me feel really lonely. Must be... as I could not do much here.. no normal cycling...but my lovely friend here offer her bike even if I want to take back to Msia. How wonderful. Yes, it is a foldable bike which I might consider bring back and keep it in my car boot. It is kind of handy if I feel like cycling after office hour, I could do that....Well.. if I did not get excess baggage (with bunch of books and material I carried with me from KL) I might as well do that.

Another lovely fren would wish to have BBQ while I am around..will find time for that too...

Somehow, I am still finding ways to keep going and get it wrap-up...

I pray to Allah to help me...and keep my brain super-active and alive in the midth of cool weather. Give me back my courage and determination...

BTW, it is good to vary kind of exercise within a week instead of doing the same thing over and over again...

something like this...

Anggerik merah

June 6, 2009

8 am.
--------------------

Update.

Just 10 minutes after posting the above N3, I got message from lil man said.."pakcik adik baba passaway...we are on d way to kampung"

Innallillah to adik. Semuga rohnya ditempatkan didalam golongan orang beriman. I called my mother-in-law to know the story. From her voice, she was very calm and compose and saying..."his time has come and next we donno when is our turn".... I can't hold my tears and emotion.

According to my mother -in-law, he had motor accident at about 11 am this morning not far from home. Trying to avoid another motor, he went to hit a tree instead. Rushing him to hospital could not save him and he was confirmed passed away at about 11:30 am. He is 25 years old.

I pray that Allah make some turning point in our life to be always reminded that we are all belong to Him. From Him we come and from Him we will return. Amin.

Move on...

2009-05-22T15:46:00.005+01:00

Indian village, outskirt Mexico City

Terminal 5, Heathrow Airport

Infront of Hard Rock Cafe, Edinburgh

In front of Carlton, Edinburgh

No matter how hard and painful live takes us through...we must let go and move on...

AnggerikMerah

11 pm

May 22, 2009

----

Beautiful song by Aizat

HANYA KAU YANG MAMPU

Ku cuba redakan relung hati,

Bayangmu yang berlalu pergi,

Terlukis di dalam kenangan,

Bebas bermain di hatiku..

Cerita tentang masa lalu,

Cerita tentang kau dan aku,

Kini tinggal hanya kenangan,

Kau abadi di dalam hatiku..

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan kau pergi,

Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati,

Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir,

Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

Cerita tentang masa lalu,

Cerita tentang kau dan aku,

Kini tinggal hanya kenangan,

Kau abadi di dalam hatiku..

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan kau pergi,

Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati,

Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir,

Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

Aku cinta ooohhh..

Aku cinta oooo…

Sekadar luahan rasa..

2009-05-20T03:45:00.003+01:00

Hidup ini sangat indah dan penuh keajaiban. Melalui sekala ujian dan cabaran adalah pengajaran. Airmata tak semudah mengalir seperti masa yang lalu. Hati keras seperti batu dan beku seperti ais. Kesedihan dan kerunsingan disimpan disebalik senyuman dan tawa ria. Halangan yang mendatang ditempuhi sebagai ujian yang pastinya dari Dia. Hidup ini hanya pada detik dan ketika ini dikala jantung masih berdetik.

Pic: Indian village, outskirt of Mexico City

Kalau dulu, hidup ini melihat masa yang akan mendatang yang masih jauh perjalanan. Tetapi saat dan ketika dilalaikan dan kurang dihargai. Kemana sebenarnya arah tuju... mungkin masih tercari-cari. Jantung berdebar-debar dan sesekala seperti dikejar atau mengejar sesuatu yang tak pasti apa yang dicari. Pelik sungguh pelik... tapi itulah hakikatnya.

Hari demi hari yang dilalui membawa seribu pengajaran yang tidak boleh dibeli dengan wang dan tidak boleh ditukar ganti... pengalaman hidup yang mematangkan fikiran dan memilih yang terbaik... Adakalanya hati ini takut sekiranya perjalanan dan perjuangan ini gagal apabila hampir ke penghujungnya. Tidak sanggup rasanya untuk menerima dan menghadapinya. Pemikiran yang demikian mengganggu ketenangan dan kedamaian dijiwa. Melemahkan usaha dan perjuangan yang masih ditangan. Ternyata ini adalah bisikan syaitan yang sering cuba untuk menumpaskan segala usaha dan melemahkan segala tenaga yang dicurahkan...

Persoalannya...dimana akhirnya perjuangan ini?...

Sudah tentu sampai masanya ia akan berakhir dan menutup tirai buat selamanya.

”Ya Allah, aku bersyukur keatas nikmat yang telah engkau berikan kepadaku sepanjang kehidupanku dibumi Mu ini. Aku bermohon kepadaMu Ya Allah, berikanlah aku kekuatan, semangat dan petunjuk Mu untuk aku lebih mendekati diriku kepadamu dan meneruskan perjuangan ini yang sekian lama tiada noktahnya. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah perjalanan ini. Hanya kepadaMu aku memohon dan meminta pertolongan. Dengan izinMu makbulkanlah permintaan ku ini. Amin Ya Robbal A’lamin”

Sekadar luahan rasa...

Anggerik M
10:40 am
May 20, 2009

My little man...

2009-05-18T16:38:00.003+01:00

He has grown up too quick within a blink...

My lil man has grown up to be big man now...

My cousin called me the other day to tell the story.... When she called my house, she was wondering who picked-up the phone. Thinking that was my brother in law..

When she asked me... I sang to her.."Lelaki ini yang selalu mencintaiku.....". We both laughed..

Now lil man sound like big man already...

Where is my lil man aka lil baby???

I told my lil man..no matter what he is still my baby!!

Anggerik Merah
May 18, 2009
11:43 pm

Out of Africa - mencari rezeki di laut

2009-05-10T10:55:00.007+01:00

Hasil tangkapan....ikan besar dari laut dalam di Atlantic Ocean.

Keldai menjadi pengangkutan utama dibandar maupun di persisiran pantai. Keldai yang sangat patuh dan taat kepada perintah tuannya

Walaupun si keldai berbadan kecil tapi keringatnya sangat kuat.

Nelayan menyimpan barang-barang setelah sehari di laut..

Berderetan sampan nelayan yang berwarni-warni di persisiran pantai setelah sehari berada di lautan

Nelayan mengheretkan sampan mereka dipersisiran pantai...Semuanya nelayan ini berkulit hitam.

Isteri-isteri dan ibu-ibu dan keluarga menunggu kepulangan keluarga masing-masing yang membawa pulang hasil tangkapan dari laut

Lagi yang menunggu dan mengagihkan ikan untuk dijual dan untuk di makan keluarga. Begitulah kehidupan mencari rezeki dilaut... Dimana bumi dipijak disitu langit dijunjung...Rezeki ada dimana-mana asalkan kita rajin berusaha dengan ikhlas hati dan mentaati pada perintah NYA.

Ini pula, mereka yang menjual susu unta di malam hari. Mereka berkhemah di khemah Badwi di dalam kegelapan malam di temani oleh angin dingin di padang pasir. Susu unta sangat sedap...dan saya suka. Saya diberitahu oleh rakan-rakan banyak khasiatnya untuk kesihatan...

Demikian serba sedikit gambaran perjalanan yang saya lihat ketika berada di sebuah negara di Afrika. Banyak yang saya pelajari dengan hanya melihat dan memerhati dan merasai akan kehidupan mereka yang sangat berbeza dengan kehidupan kita.

Ucapan SELAMAT HARI IBU UNTUK SEMUA. Semuga kita semua menjadi ibu yang berpengetahuan, penuh kasih sayang dan sentiasa dirahmati oleh NYA. Amin...

Anggerik Merah

May 10, 2009

11:00 PM

Taste of Sahara Desert

2009-05-05T19:16:00.007+01:00

Dear All,

Apologise for not responding to the comment. I am back home after crossing several continents for several weeks. It was an experience which is priceless... I am still in Vampire mode. Sleep day time and wake up at night. Alhamdullilah so far manage to get away from that pandemic flu. My trip to Mexico city end of March was considered near miss. I left my trace there and a priceless experience too.

For the taste of Sahara desert... I will let the photos shares the story for now...

Anggerik Merah

May 6, 2009

3 am

Again...

2009-04-11T06:31:00.002+01:00

I will be on the move again. This time to a place which require me to take 4 immunisation...yellow fever, hepatitis A, typoid, meningitis and a drink of vaccine for chorella...

Not only that, I had to re-do a training for sea survival, helicopter underwater emergency training, fire fighting & CPR. It was a good exercise for me after so long that I had not a chance to be in a pool and exercising. With some basic survival skill, in case of real situation, lets pray that this skill will help to survive.

Ayah has been seeing several specialist to consult on his kidney problem. So far, it is under control. Alhamdullilah.

Streamix is so very slow at home... To upload interesting pics from Mexico trip is almost crawling like a snail. Maybe snail is faster. Will upload later when I am back from this trip.

Lots of Luv,

Anggerik M
April 11, 2009
1:30 pm

What storm?

2009-03-26T12:07:00.002Z

Looking at my schedule since January I knew that March & April will be a hectic month for me as there are too many events, plans. I need to shedule properly to ensure enough energy to go through it. I am all prepared for it, I thougth. The history remain me also...there will always be unexpected things to happen... I leave it to HIM for things happen beyond my control.

Last week as I was ready to attend company event, several sms came from my cousin and then my brother to let me know about ayah. His blood test showed that he has kidney failure and need to be ready in case it get worst .... to be ready for dyalysis. This news shocked everyone in the family especially my mother. I had no idea at that point what to do. But I tried to remain calm and talked to ayah and mak. I had a thought of rushing back to kampung instead of proceed with company event. Honestly, I had been physically too tired to even think of driving home. I proceeded with company event that night so that I could have a nite rest at the hotel and plan to go back home the next day. After consultation with my cousin doctor and nurse who followed thru my ayah case, I was advise not to rush home since the urgency for ayah's dylysis is not now. His kidney only 15% functioning. I followed their advise.

The next day, mak told me that ayah agree to get second opinion on this matter. I make necessary arrangement for ayah to go back to Tawakal hospital to refer to specialist treated him 10 years ago for the left kidney failure due to Tuberculosis.

Due to my business travel to mexico city last sunday, my big man accompanied ayah to see specialist. I knew that big man will be able to calm down ayah and mak better than me for any shocking news. Big man is very calm and relax. For me, any shocking news sometimes make me speechless especially if it was about my family.

A mix feeling I had since I have to be away a week in the land of far away. Again I prayed to HIM to make things easy for me.

Since two weeks ago, office committment had been too much due to discussion on performance appraisal for staff in our group. In the absence of our leader (prolong medical leave) my colleagues and I had to take charged of the discussion which was not even in my expected to do list. For one week we worked from morning to night and weekend. On top of that, I was asked by my bigger bos to decide for taking up higher responsibility at other company subsidiary. Somehow my name was pop-up for potential candidate of that position. Without knowing what I am supposed to be responsibled I can't decide. This seems to be very serious as I was again and again ask to decide. Not easy...yes..it is a promotion that nobody would not want to say no. But again...I must like to job to be able to perform. No point to suffer if what you are doing bring no satisfaction which money cannot buy.... I am yet to figure out the next step on this move.

Back to ayah case, result from specialist re-confirm ayah's condition. He will be closely monitored from now on...

I have another two days in Mexico city and will be arriving home on Sunday night. In the mean time, I will have to take things one at a time.... accept what is coming and deal with it... Only HE knows what is ahead of us..

Will share more about the beauty of life while travelling once I had a chance...

Salam from Mexico City...

Anggerik merah
6:45 am
March 26, 2009

Perfect storm?

2009-03-20T18:24:00.002Z

It is this moment again when too many things came in at the same time. Really testing durability, resiliant etc etc...

Perfect storm? Riding perfect storm...surviving perfect storm... rising from perfect storm... It is so much inline with the 2 days forum I attended.

I am on the jet plane again... another faraway land to reach..

Anggerikmerah
March 22, 2009
3:17 pm

Change & switch button

2009-03-07T15:30:00.009Z

I realised I had been talking too much offlate. How could I not be talking too much... Loads of what I need to do offlate required me to talk, defend, argue and state my opinion. This in some ways change me from doing much more listening and diplomatic to more extrovert and expressive. ...

As a result, my brain keep on working all the time and I even have difficulty to sleep. The switch on off button somehow lost somewhere...

I need to get back my switch on/off button, so that my mind could be back to calm and settle state when I need it and get better sleep too....Sleep deprivation is horrible....
BTW, my new collections of books:

1. Travelog HAJI- mengubah sempadan iman by Prof Muhd Kamil Ibrahim

2. Travelog Dakwah - meniti hari esok by Prof Muhd Kamil Ibrahim

3. CATS The nine lives of Innovation by Stephen C. Lundin
4. The Hard truth about Soft skills by Peggy Claus

5. The reader by Bernhard Schlink
6. Difficult conversations by Douglas Stone et. al.

"Walk your talk.. dance your story... celebrate your glory... " somewhat not anymore relevent for AM... but LIFE IS A JOURNEY...maybe more appropriate.

As we walk through life, we will encounter many different paths which sometimes wonder where does it take us... Whatever that path is, may it be the right path to go through...and the path that belong to HIM.

Anggerikmerah
March 7, 2009
11:39 pm

Down memory lane & back..

2009-03-01T16:43:00.007Z

Beautiful weather...

A week really move too fast... All I realised is that I am back where I belong. Half a day wondering around town was kind of refreshing...be back to where I used to be..

Onboard flight KLM...

Had shower in MAS Golden lounge at Heathrow helped me to sleep all the way on the plane till just a few hours before touching down KLIA.

Down memory lane...

Chinta's family antique collection

Scenery from town and campus...

Let it Go (Will Young)

I have never been

afraid of being alone

It's somehow typical of

being a man - I know

But I woke in the night

My body full of fright

Could I provide for you?

Everything you've ever wanted

Could I really be

the man I promised Iwould be

And support you tenderly

Let it go... Let it go... Let it go

'Cause it's out of my control

Let it go...let it go

Don't have to have it all

Grips so tight it shatters

Only thing that matters

Only got one life

Heaven knows

What I'm stressing for

Let it go...let it go

It's the simple things

in life that bring me down

Like always being right

It leads to fights - oh no no

I'm running low on energy

The world keeps bugging me

And I keep thinking baby

How we gonna stay together

Can I really make a vow

I'm never gonna keep

See that's what's

bothering me - eee - eee

Let it go... Let it go... Let it go

I know you tell me

that I always think too much

And all that stupid stuff

Well, I've thought enough

Let it go... Let it go... Let it go...

'Cause it's out of my control

Don't have to have it all

Grips so tight it shatters

Only thing that matters

Only got one life

Heaven knows

What I'm stressing for

Let it go... Let it go

Anggerik merah; March 2, 2009

1:15 am (KL time)

As a result of jetlag...

2009-02-25T05:36:00.006Z

Again... offlate travelling to different time zone is no more something that I can cope well. After 3 nights here, I am still waking -up at 2 or 3 am. No matter how hard trying to close my eyes... it is quite challenging to able to do so..hence the result is this entry.

Must be true..as we get older everything seems to slow down. Must accept that fact. Fact of life....Nevertheless, the best is we could still maintain fit at where we are.... avoiding hypokinetic diseases if possible.

Since I was here, my fellow colleagues was so excited to see me and so do I. It bring back those memories of lonely life and life as a student in search of answer on some unanswered questions. Mind challenging, frustration, failures until there is some light seems to appear at the end of the tunnel.

There is no sense of giving up even if we must rest and pause for a while. Moments of detachment from worldly life is so much felt running through soul, mind and body. A humble feeling of so little that we know about many things. Only to HIM we surrender.

As a result of jetlag...

Anggerikmerah
5.45 am (UK time)
25 Feb 2009

On the jet plane again..

2009-02-17T21:48:00.003Z

This weekend I will be on the jet plane again.... to the land where I was there once a upon a time...

No, it will not be as warm as in the pictures above...but let's imagine it is warm as that pictures..

Anggerik merah

Feb 18, 2009

6:09 am

A home

2009-02-14T00:39:00.007Z

I drove into that area and parked my car in front of it. I sat back and look at it. My imagination went wild as I started to see that home is a complete home already. A home for our future retirement as we called it. A place we chose to be. A decision which we made as quick as our heart & mind decided to proceed.

A home, not only for our little family but also, I imagine both my parents and in-law will find a place for them when they need their child to take care of them. A place for all my relative to lepak-lepak, have BBQ during weekend away from hectic town life. A place for the little one to run around and bergasak within the compound. Although it is not a big home...but it will be a home with full of rainbows and life. That far my imagination went as I look at that home while in my car. A place I call "a home".

This morning, I woke up early after a quite hectic weekdays with travel and also many-many meeting, all of it full of challenges and I did too much of talking. Hence my level of excitement and anxiety went sky up.... I ended up too exhausted, can't sleep well at nite also. Preparing for overseas travel which lining up soon is also drain some energy out of me.

So, last nite was a nite which I drop dead on bed not knowing what was happening. It is good that I woke up feeling very fresh this morning and ready for my routine 10 km cycling..ala ala Le tour de Langkawi (again my wild imagination...). I asked big man to come with me. He responded..." I can't sleep last nite...you snorred and it was very loud, so I need to sleep now"... Oh dear... I thought I slept peacefully...Age catching up???...or something seriously wrong with my nose and air passage...

Big man just woke up, and he gave me a sweet kiss on lip... :-)

Have a nice weekend uol

"Love is in the air".... it should be everyday...not just today!

Anggerik merah
February 14, 2009
9:00 AM

Life is too short... Innallilllah

2009-02-10T16:14:00.004Z

While having dinner and resting at home at about 8:30 pm, my mother called me to inform that one of our relatives passed away in a hit and run accident in Gombak. Innallillah to Nor Azrin, semuga rohnya ditempatkan bersama orang-orang beriman.... a 29 year old father of two young children. He was riding motorbike and was hit by an uncontrollable lorry from behind, sudden death at location.

Big man , my cousin doctor and I went to forensic area of HKL to pay our respect. It was a shocked to everyone as no one expected such incident to happen. Life is too short and once He call us back, not even one minute delay.

Being there at the forensic area, reminded me the memory of over twenty years ago when Aruah and his other sibbling were really young. Their beloved mother passed away at also very young age after battling with brain tumor. I was still remember cuddling and helping aruah's other two young sibbling crying over the dead mother. Tonite as I cuddle aruah's sister again in the midth of her crying (she is now maybe about 28 year old), I wispered to her to accept and redha. All of us will eventually will leave this world.

I was made to understand aruah was on his way back from UIA when the accident happened. He is in his final semester for his bachelor degree.

Life is too short ...

Anggerik Merah
Feb 11, 2009
12:33 am

Kompang Orchestra

2009-02-04T19:48:00.004Z

I was tossing myself in the bed. Obviously I can’t sleep. Rather than forcing myself to sleep, I jump-up from bed and blog. Now is 3:25 am. What was I thinking...well...all the work activities lining up for me with travelling again. This time it will be to some odd places...like Mexico (which I boss had indicated to me today that I need to present smthg there), Mauritania (on a big ship?.... will be challenging one...). Never mind with what will be coming up next...

It was an exciting experience to learn new skill. Over the weekend, last Saturday and Sunday, about 130 of us were transported to Puteri Resort, Air Keroh Melaka for a company event called “Health program”. I must admit that most people were not keen of spending weekend away from family for work. But this compulsory event, there is no escape unless with a very good reason. What I said to myself was “I will enjoy the moment”. Although I know that through out the week I was a zombie like because of putting myself back on track for my “unfinished business”. It was a moment of lonely life, with me and my writing and my notebook. Jumping out of that moment into meeting big crowd definitely need quick adjustment. Anyway, I went with the flow of my body, mind and spirit.

Enjoy the moment was the motto…so indeed…. For that 2 days most of us learnt a new skill of playing kompang… rhythm of challenge is the key event when we had to compete among group for the winner. It is all about collection of individual skill, organization and team work united for one purpose.. to achieve high performance in delivering result. Never mind about the rational behind it… after being in the company for so long and exposed with so many team building activities etc etc…the intention behind all activities had come naturally. For the new comers in the company, this is one of the avenues for them to feel the unity as one organization. But…what really come to my mind was… dream come true. I had wished that one day I could have opportunity to join orchestra and play some musical instrument. Indeed, my wish comes true and I enjoy the moment of rhythm of kompang especially when all 130 of us join the effort to play combination of kompang, jadur and gong. It was really one big Kompang Orchestra.

As the event named is Health program, talk on hypokinetic disease, warming up and stretching, aerobic activity, health check and determine your physiological age were among activities installed for us. As usual I enjoyed the aerobic session especially the dancing part. And from physiological test, my body age is 12 years younger than my calendar age. Thats the advantage of God given petite size and some natural body mechanism to reject any food that the body cannot absorb in some ways..

Kompang Orchestra was my weekend activity…

Anggerik merah
February 5, 2009
3:46 am

Life is so beautiful...

2009-01-29T16:38:00.005Z

Some collections of pictures which shows how beautiful life is...

Alexandria, Egpt, September 2007

Copacabana beach, Rio De Janeiro, Brazil, August 2008

Sunset at Bonton, Langkawi, April 2008

Bergen, Norway, May 2008

Tasek Melati, Perlis, October 2008

Pulau Dayang Bunting, Langkawi, Kedah, April 2008

Dinner show, Mariot Putrajaya, November 2008

Ma living room, 2008

Anggerik Merah

1:32 am

January 30, 2009

Sense of Achievement

2009-01-27T14:48:00.005Z

Listing down, I consider, sense of Achievement to my simple definition for the past few weeks…

1) Taking control of my house…i.e. clearing-up things, arranging things the way I like it to be…then I would have mental picture of what and where things in my house. Ever since I came back last 2 years and with maid around, I didn’t had a peace of mind to arrange things the way I want it..just because I am occupied with re-develop my career path back on track and adapting to fast changing office system and bureaucracy and more importantly managing family issues

2) Able to maintain 10 km cycling distance (in 30 minutes with up and down hills) using my steel horse (i.e. kuda besi Tblaze) with 2 feet. Although I have not stretched the limit at least I maintain it for now. It gave me a sense of courage; determination and also it make me sweat. And not to forget strengthen muscle and activate brain cell. It is bliss to feel cool air blowing through while riding the steel horse.

3) Back to kitchen to cook for family and family members especially during weekend do that cook #1 can take time off after doing his part during weekdays. A blessing of not having maid. It is fun but quite tiring post cooking especially cleaning up. It make sense why I seldom blogging nowadays.

4) Taking time to go for picnic with my sister’s family. Something which I had not done for the last 2 years. Believe it or not. Not only that, visiting cousin and makan2 cum lepak2 activities, was not much happening. Now these activities back on track and having visitors at home is more frequent now days.

5) Completed ironing tons of cloth especially office attire which accumulated during my busy weekend. Boy, ironing can be fun but tiring too.

6) Keep fit with running around home. Honestly, I can’t stay home too long because I can’t stop doing things at home. Endless house work that makes me running and walking all the time. Good for fitness but it also means drain out energy while reaching to night time.

7) Riding my other kuda besi with 4 legs is always energizing. Its digital speedometer, smooth brake system and arrow dynamic shape just bring pleasure to my day to day long distance driving. My brain has done loads of thinking and visualizing while driving. But so far, Alhamdullilah, I am a safe conscious person.

My long weekend with CNY celebration focusing on home stay to catch-up things. The plan was to re-focus on #3 (aka unfinished business) with extended holidays till end of the week. But so far, too many visitors at home which means that I had not make any progress on #3. On top of PMS thingy, I dragged myself with much sleep rather than able to stay up.
That’s some sense of accomplishment to me. Just to get me moving…

Anggerik merah
January 27, 2009
10:47 pm

Selamat ulang tahun sayang...

2009-01-26T03:44:00.006Z

Tercipta Untukku
by Ungu

menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

banyak kata
yang tak mampu kuungkapkan
kepada dirimu

aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
sepanjang hidupku

aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku

meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku
ku ingin kau tau
ku slalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu
sepanjang hidupku

aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku

meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku
ku ingin kau tau
ku slalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu

Happy b'day to dearest BIG MAN...January 23, 2009

Get together

2009-01-21T15:40:00.003Z

Last weekend was a get together among cousin to catch-up on happening and makan-makan event... We enjoyed it very much as much laughter and stories were shared.

To be continued..

Anggerik merah
January 21, 2009

11:44 pm

Motivation

2009-01-14T11:47:00.007Z

Wonder why I kept on searching motivational ways to keep going:

1) About work: In my department, already 2 of my colleagues battling with cancer. One is breast cancer and another is esofagus cancer. We are lacked of seniors to lead the group. Most of my colleagues left the company for greener pasture. 70% of workforce is less than 5 years experience. A suddent re-org last 2 years had a big impact to people and organisation. Thank God that I was not here when such transformation happen. It is hard to build back the place. I noticed that with my full energy to try to help, only limited number of people that still have that energy to make believe that there is a future for our organisation. The rest just do what ever they are asked to do. Most are demotivated with bringing up the place.

2) About family: With my Asperger syndrome child, much to deal especially with no interest of going to school. But we have to manage and provide whatever needed to get him going. Big man is a stay home day since last April to have more time focusing on lil man's need and education.

3) I am still having my "unfinished business" hold up for almost 2 years now. I must confess, I lost the energy. But I never give up to plan of getting it over. After all that happened in life, this was kept KIV. Something that I never wish to hold anymore. I pray to God to give me all the strength to get to the end and close this chapter of life and move on.

4) At this age, weird that I am still searching for role model in life. It shows that all my life, I never have one. Will I ever have one?

5) Offlate, my energy level is very low. I could not figure out why. I need to boost up that energy. Maybe my fibromyalgia much affecting me.

BTW, I like this quote:

YOU SHOULD NOT LIVE WITH REGRET. YOU SHOULD TURN THE PAGE AND MOVE ON...

One thing I realise and sometimes laugh at my self...this blog of mine is really a dumping place of my thought and feeling. Nothing sophisticated or educational about what I write here. But I belief it has to stay that way. At least I share my thought and feeling with the whole world.

I don't blog at office since I don't have time for it. Every hours is so precious to get work done and the internet at office also being controlled. Once reach home, I felt half dead already. Travelling time on average 1 - 2 hours a day on the road really kiling me. I bought a house near office but I will only be ready in a year time. It should also serve as our retirement house away from hectic life.

Pic 1: Somewhere in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah

Pic 2: Tasik Dayang Bunting, Langkawi

Pic 3: Bali, Indonesia

--------------------

This is what I found:

There are TEN Life Laws of Life Strategies outlined by Philip C. McGraw:

Life Law #1 : You either get it, or you don’t.
Strategy : Become one of those who gets it.

Life Law #2 : You create your own experience.

Strategy : Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life.

Life Law #3 : People do what works.

Strategy : Identify the payoffs that drive your behavior and that of others.

Life Law #4 : You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.

Strategy : Get real with yourself about your life and everybody in it.

Life Law #5 : Life rewards action.

Strategy : Make careful decisions and then pull the trigger.

Life Law #6 : There is no reality; only perception.

Strategy : Identify the filters through which you view the world.

Life Law #7 : Life is managed; it is not cured.

Strategy : Learn to take charge of your life.

Life Law #8 : We teach people how to treat us.

Strategy : Own, rather than complain about, how people treat you.

Life Law #9 : There is power in forgiveness.

Strategy : Open your eyes to what anger and resentment are doing to you.

Life Law #10 : You have to name it before you can claim it.

Strategy : Get clear about what you want and take your turn.

-----------------

Anggerikmerah

January 14, 2009

8:15 pm

Fun Quotient (FQ)...

2009-01-11T15:50:00.005Z

It has been a week since I started to go back to work after along holiday end of last year. Back to hectic life at work. I was out to stay in the hotel again for a day and night work. That took me from Tuesday nite till Friday evening. I didn't even go out from hotel because our event run even at night. I was given a task to facilitate one of the groups. Stuck in a hotel for many days leads me to exhaustion again. I don't even had a chance to be in gym. Cold temperature in the grand ballroom somewhat affect my nerve and muscle again. I tried to ignore it. But at the end of the day, I lost most of my energy and what I need is some sleep everytime I was in my hotel room. I might be still in holiday mood hence not productive.

Anyway, I am learning to stop and relax whenever I need. Not pushing to limit as I was always expected to do.

This weekend help me to recollect my energy. I started 10 km cycling again after some break during holiday due to flu. My wish is that I regain my energy and able to do whatever I need to do. To be alive and kicking...

Be back when time permit. Please find me a copy of FQ tip from NLP.

Anggerik Merah
Jan 11, 2009
11:59 pm
------------------------------------------------------------

"A Simple Way to Reduce Stress While Giving Your FunQuotient (FQ) a Boost"

(c)Colin G Smith - All Rights reservedhttp://www.nlptoolbox.com/-

Have you noticed all the different intelligences we havethese days?!Cultural Quotient (CQ)
Curiosity Quotient (CQ)
Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ)
Empathizing Quotient (EQ)
Systemizing Quotient (SQ)
Sentience Quotient (SQ)
Social Intelligence Quotient (SQ)
Spiritual Intelligence Quotient (SQ)

So that's four of them named SQ! Does this enhance ourlives? Surely only the FQ really matters! You know, the simple fact is the more fun and humour we have in our lives, the more we reduce the stress caused by the modern dis-ease of seriousness. Personally I think having fun and being playful is the natural human condition, it's just that certain systems/constraints in modern societies can have us acting like numb automatons.

I'm inspired by an observation Anthropologist, Colin Turnball made in his book, "The Forest People", with regards to how adult Pygmies laugh:

"When Pygmies laugh it is hard not to be affected; they hold on to each other as if for support, slap their sides, snap their fingers and go through all manner of physical contortions. If something strikes them as particularly funny they will even roll on the ground..."

Imagine being able to do that...Of course you probably wouldn't want to act like that at the office, right?

But get this; Actually imagine falling down laughing like a Pygmie in your office or place of work right now. Simply doing this in your imagination, enables you to have more access to the fun-zones of your mind in that situation next time you're there. Don't take my word for it though, test it out in your own experience. It's part of what I like to call, "The Ridiculous Behaviour Generator" from page 60 of "The NLP ToolBox."

Because our minds go in directions, from time to time, it is very useful to purpose fully re-direct our thought patterns. Sending our mind towards more fun and humour is an excellent choice because it enables us to have more flexibility of behaviour and increased resourcefulness, whereas over-seriousness tends to be a narrow, rigid state.

So go ahead and pick 3 situations now that you want to 'funify.' Starting with the one that will be the easiest to change, go through the "Ridiculous Behaviour Generator" below:

Ridiculous Behaviour Generator
1. Think of a situation where you want to have more fun.
2. See yourself over there in the situation, like you are watching a movie.
3. See yourself having more fun, maybe joking with the other people in the movie.
4. Go back to the start of the movie and try out a different way of having more fun. Perhaps notice something you haven't seen/heard before that makes you chuckle.
5. Now, again from the start, see yourself in the movie and do some behaviour(s) that you would never do in reality. Get really silly with this one. Do something outrageous that just makes you crack up laughing.
6. Break state. Think of the situation again and notice how you feel better about it and look forward to having even more fun in the situation in the future.

Great! In step 5 it's best to do something really outlandish that you'd never do in reality. You know, like launching into the room, naked, doing cartwheels or turning up to that meeting in a Gimp suit, juggling fire sticks! The point is, does it get you laughing because that's the direction you want to be going in is it not?

Now run the other 2 situations through the Ridiculous Behaviour Generator and begin to find yourself looking forward to a more fun filled future. When you've practised this technique a few times you will be able to do it faster, which will allow you to inject more fun quickly and easily into situations before they've occurred and that's good planning right?

More fun! Less stress. Brighter futures. Better decisions.
O'yeah and a boosted FQ!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Author Bio:Colin G Smith is a licensed Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and author of 'The NLPToolBox', a personal development book that enables thereader to master any area of their life with amazing speed. Complete information on Colin G Smith's books are availableat his website, including a FREE personal development mini-course.http://www.nlptoolbox.com/

CT Scan and new books

2008-12-30T16:14:00.003Z

My CT Scan result for stomach and pelvic bone was normal. Alhamdullilah. Blood test was also normal. The first time I had this procedure done on me which required intubated vein to flow fluid. The last time my vein was intubated was 12 years ago for caesarean.

Yup, I must confess that I have low tolerance for needle insertion into my body. But Alhamdullilah I had recovered from the fear and my threshold pain level had significantly improved. The CT scan pictures detail out all internal organ. It was clear to me when we went through with doctor for each organ condition.

Tonite at home, I relook at those pictures and have difficulty to figure out some part. Anyway, not for me to interpret! The obvious such as kidney, uterus are easily identified. My next appointment with Doctor will be in 6 weeks time. Yet, I was saying to big man, I had not fully assess my heath condition as I had not done full medical check-up…Next on the list.

Today, again we went to Kunikuniya. I pick-up another 2 books to end my book collection for this year. These are:

Eat Right 4 your type, Dr. Adamo
Live right 4 your type, Dr. Adamo

These books will provide some guidance for healthy life and to be experimented for some do and don’t eat based on my O blood type. Both Big man and lil man share same blood type that is A type. We compare list of what to take and what to avoid. Very interesting to know and perhaps to test.

While Maal Hijrah 1430 was welcome with full hearted, Gregorian calendar 2008 curtain is almost closing down and another new year is approaching. Much to be reflected and pondered… Could I write about it?...Maybe later.

Anggerik Merah
31 December
12:14 am

About health, books and romantic spot on

2008-12-28T11:27:00.006Z

I told big man two days ago..”I am tired of dealing with this flu and fever”… I noticed that it had become a monthly routine to get this symptom. Then I said to him…”let’s go out from house”…. Yes, that in a way psychologically helps. Cycling for about 8 km to get sweat plus hot lemon tea with honey and wondering around IKEA.
Alhamdullilah, manage to get it over without antibiotic this time. Feel more energetic today and refreshing. And back on my feet. Of course the dam has exploded this morning. What a release.. I have to be ready for CT scan on Tuesday for my stomach and blood test to assess my current state of health…i.e. my overdue full medical check-up.

Coming to think about my laziness on writing blog entry off late mainly due to my fingers which could not stand tapping and clicking at time when this symptom of fibromyalgia attacks me. But my monthly massage on tender points help to ease this symptom much much better than swallowing muscle and nerve relaxant. Very true that whenever the temperature change happen (cold day…i.e. raining day) then it triggers the symptom. As I read more about this problem, I began to deal with it better to help me coping with it.

Let’s change topic…

I am a book maniac. Once I step into book store, I will never come out without bringing back with me at least 2 books. Kunikuniya is my favorite spot. Apart from that whenever I am in the airport I will buy book to read while waiting etc.

This month alone, I had already several books with me and I had not even had chance to finish reading them all. It is all browsing thru chapters of my interest first or stop at that point for a while. My December books are:

You being beautiful, Michael F. Roizen and Mehmet C. Oz
How to mind map, Tony Buzan
An hour to live an hour to love, Richard & Kristine Carlson (finished reading on plane)
The hard truth about soft skill, Peggy Claus
The mind gym give me time ,
A whole new mind, Daniel H. Pink

In addition, throughout this year, I had these books. Some I completed reading and some are half way through. Most of these books I picked up at several airport bookshop during my travel and transit. Also a few from talks organized by company.

It’s not how good you are, it’s how good you want to be, Paul Arden
The last lecture, Randy Pausch (completed on plane during journey back from Rio)
NLP 4u, Ian L. Halsall
Inside Steve’s Brain, Leander Kahney
What it Takes, speak up, step up, move up, Amy Henry
Instant Confidence, the power to go for anything you want, Paul McKenna (I used its free mind-programming CD more frequent to relax my tired mind whenever I need)
Life is an open secret, Sis Zabrina ( I also have the other book of sis Zabrina)
From can’t to can, Nikolas Bishop and Ian Halsall
Ideas spotting, Sam Harrison

Total of 15 books/year. On average I could be finishing at least 1 or 2 books a months. Should do better next year on getting finish part.

On top of these books, I subscribed to Psychologies Magazine which I receive every month. On top of that I also love to pick-up magazine related to woman.. depending on article which interest me.

As I look back on these books, I realize I could be turning myself into psychologist. Interesting enough, during a compulsory interview ( I was among the first batch of staff had to undergo this new requirement) which I had to go through for promotion the interviewer (outside consultant) was actually have a degree in Business and Psychology.

I was making a joke to the interviewer during feedback session of the interview result and recommendation,…. ”maybe I should consider changing my profession or something to do after retirement”…hehehe…not a bad idea at all!!

Above all, the truth is that sometimes we (definately for myself) need to learn how to train our brain with several techniques just to keep positive outlook and maintain positive mood even during riding perfect storm in rat racing world, keeping healthy under stress environment etc etc… not to forget, ultimately from HIM that we ask for direction, protection, forgiveness and guidance in life..

I digress my thought again to another topic..

Last month both big man and I were in the clinic waiting to see GP due to my flu and fever. Nobody was there except both of us. We don’t think that we were extra romantic…it was just both of us sit next to each other and talking. I am not sure if I lean my head on big man’s shoulder that time.

Suddenly, we heard someone came from the back and stopped in front of us…that was Dr. Amir Farid (used to be my gynae and the one delivered my baby 12 years ago). We had not talked to him for a while. Guest what he said to both of us…” You know what, it feel good to observe a romantic couple just like both you…”

Before we had chance to say anything, if we have anything to say, he continued… “Now days, married and followed with divorce are so common. Most of my patients came to see me and shared about their spouse with so much of problem..”.

Both of us have no idea what to say to response to him…All I remember saying was “ With so much of very challenging world, fast life etc…then marriage and divorce and the cycle goes on and on..By the way, doc…we had not seen you for a while…and all we can say is that you look younger than you used to..”

He continued with smile and said..” Many people noticed that. Some of my friends told me that I look younger than 5 years ago and you see, I have to be an example for the product I am promoting which help to reverse the aging process for a while…and this is the effect on me too..But this will not last forever though…. We can’t stop aging forever. More importantly, we must be happy and contented with our self”…

I responded and smiled back to him..” Ok then, will come back to see you if we think we need that”. Until now we never did see him. Maybe because we don’t feel we need it. Or if we could use natural food and live healthy life style, then hopefully it helps to slow down aging process….yes?

That’s about health, books and romantic spot on…

Salam Maal hijrah to all. May Allah protect us and guide us along the right path in life. AMIN…

From Anggerik Merah
December 28, 2008
7:24 pm

Notes:

All pics were taken in Bali, April 2008 to create colourful environment.

please forgive my spelling and grammar… Most of the time I ignore checking my English as I let my fingers clicking..Came back to notice my spelling was wrong and many other mistakes. I wish not to be so perfect as I learn more to be imperfect one!

Brain scribble

2008-12-26T15:33:00.001Z

Dealing with flu and PMS at the same time is horrible. The unstable mood swing and the feeling of something going to be exploded…yes that is the feeling. Anyway, just goes with the flow…
Few more days will be new year… What had I left this year is considered quite full of surprises and trial. But that is all I left to what had destined me to be. Accepting it and do the best I could to sort things out and deals with challenges. Also the EFT methods ….eventhough I have this feeling I completely and deeply accept myself. Nevertheless, always thinks of the positive side of all the tests and tribulations and am feel lucky to realise that others had been through much more.

The journey through out this year lead me to another experience in life which somehow shape up myself to be more a listener, a rebel, etc etc… a long lists..

And I feel so very tired now. I need to rest and continue writing when I feel like. Please ignore me. I am just trying hard to translate whatever in my mind into some kind of writing.. Not sure if this is the symthom of Fibromyalgia which I was diagnosed with. Whatever it is I have to deal with it.

Brain scrible..
Anggerik M
11:30 pm
December 26, 2008

Holiday

2008-12-24T15:46:00.003Z

As I started to enjoy my holiday with some plans to achieve, I catch flu... hopes it goes away fast enough. Now, my head is so heavy and feel so sleepy.. Will come back to write.

AM

11:48 pm
Dec 24, 2008

Days of my life 1

2008-12-17T16:53:00.003Z

I had not been writing for a wee while. Maid-less made me running around a bit more to do chores. So not much time to spare on writing in the blog although too many things happened and worth sharing. Moreover, right after Aidiladha I had been to courses, forum, conferences and hardly stick in the office. It seems that end of the year too many events going on. Taking a week break during raya week was bliss. Loads of physical activities such as kenduri kendara, get together with relatives and family. Once back to office this week, I started to get migrane again. A sign of stress… Once I had that I need to get away from office and just relax. Otherwise my head felt like it is going to explode. I have a thought of writing entry everyday for the remaining days of this year. Somehow, once I am back to home I would prefer to watch my favourite Oprah series. Quite stimulating. Also I am glued to Refflesia drama series. I become cough potato. That is life.

I must accept the compliment made about me most of the time when I meet old friends or the mat salleh’s at conferences. The usual remark I had….You look very young…hehehe…I hope I will look like this for another 20 years…hehehe. But the challenge I had when started conversation with most Mat Salleh/outsiders especially those who are experts, their first impression on me was that I am still new in workforce. However, as continue with conversation and exchange ideas/experiences, they started to be curious and asking me how long had I been in this industry…hehehe…don’t judge the book by its covers. Honestly, I could pretend to be ignorance (just like a school girl) until people started to bullshit and then I started to comments them…then they mellowed down.

Counting down for this year is coming closer. Times flies and much happening in life. Reflecting on life I had been through this year, I thanks to HIM for all that he had given me and my family. Focusing on some aspects of life and take one at a time has been my approach. I rather kept personal life story in the back of my memory. In term of career, Alhamdullilah I managed to move one step up recently after been through so much hurdle and challenging barriers imposed by new procedure in the company. I am always been in the tough part. But on the other hand, it make me more resilience and raised my confident level after successfully been thru the hurdle. It is all what HE had installed for me and I accepted it.

I love this song...it is really beautiful.... let's ponder for a moment

Ordinary Day

I wish I could tell you

the things I never got the chance to

I wish I was with you now

to see you smile again

I wish we had more time

but time goes by so fast

The moment comes and

Then the moment passes by

In the blink of an eye

And If I had one wish

I Wouldn't ask for money

I wouldn't ask for fame

I wouldn't ask for the power to

make this world change

If i could have one thing

that one thing that I would chose

is one more ordinary day with you

With you

I wish I could see you

and be there where my arms could reach you

i wish I could let you know

how much you touch my life

maybe a little time is all the time we get

The Words we long to say are words that go unsaid

you can go back again

But if I had one wish

I Wouldn't ask for money

I wouldn't ask for fame

I wouldn't ask for the power to

make this world change

If i could have one thing

that one thing that I would chose

is one more ordinary day

With you

I wish we had more time

Time goes by so fast

The moment comes and

Then the moment passes by

In the blink of an eye

But if I had one wish

I Wouldn't ask for money

I wouldn't ask for fame

I wouldn't ask for the power to

make this world change, no

If i could have one thing

that one thing that I would chose

is one more ordinary day

Just one more ordinary day with you

with you

Now is 12:51 am. I have to get back to sleep and continue scribbling story again tomorrow if any opportunity.

Anggerikmerah
December 18, 2008
12:51 am

Alone...

2008-12-05T16:46:00.004Z

It has been 2 weeks both big man and lil man away from home for long holiday in Kampung. We went back together last weekend for wedding and I had to fly back to KL alone. I can't join them for long holiday due to one week technical course which is compulsory for me to attend. Then continue with 3 days International Petroleum Technology Conference which ended today. Tomorrow I will be flying back to home town to join my family for Aidiladha and taking a week break from work.

Stay home alone for the last 2 weeks kind of lonely. But the day time make me too occupied and drop dead as I reach home...

To all, Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha...

Anggerik M

12:54 am
December 6, 2008

Good-bye little Candy

2008-11-25T16:55:00.003Z

It has been a year we had a little Candy with us. Tonite, we send her back to her owner.

Candy dear, thank you for filling our home, being part of our family and entertaining us with your Persian touch...definately you touch our heart. It is not easy to let you go, especially for big man and little man... but we would not be able to take care of you no more. May you be in a save hand and continue your life...

Love from our family.

Sepi

2008-11-10T02:18:00.006Z

Artis (Band): Yuni Shara / Melly Goeslaw

Sepi hati terjadi lagi
Mungkin sampai mati aku sepi
Biar senyum hadir di hariku
namun ini hanya ada di bibir
di bibir saja

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti
walaupun yang lain mau mengerti
Namun berat beban hidupku
biarkan saja
Biar saja hanya ku yang tahu

Sejarah cinta dan hidupku
penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
Butuh kesabaran yang penuh
untuk tetap ku berdiri

Oh.. ada saatnya ku bicara
bila hatiku telah bulat
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua
aku tetap diam

Woo.. sejarah cinta dan hidupku
penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
butuh kesabaran yang penuh
untuk tetap ku berdiri

Oh.. ada saatnya ku bicara
bila hatiku telah bulat
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua
aku tetap diam

Note:

Watched this movie last week at home on my mc day due to flu. Nice one...funny, traumatic, sad, happy etc etc... just like the say of "asam garam kehidupan"

Langkawi - part TWO

2008-11-04T14:55:00.005Z

View from Verandah of traditional house at Bonton resort

Bath anyone?

Another view from Traditional house's verandah overlooking swimming pool

Inside the traditional house

Nice bed...

Chaklempong music at Makam Mahsuri

Makam Mahsuri

Laman padi - cabut semai

Laman padi - tenggala

Sunset at Bonton

How nice if all the time we could endulge ourself with the kampung life as above... to get away from the list below...

Captured from NST today...

TOP 10 STRESSFUL PROFESSIONS
1. IT (big man used to do while he was in corporate world...and still doing but now at his own time and wish)
2. Medicine / Caring Profession
3. Engineering (I am in this category...)
4. Sales and Marketing
5. Education
6. Finance
7. Human Resources
8. Operations
9. Production
10. Clerical TOP

10 WORK STRESSES
1. Workload
2. Feeling undervalued
3. Deadlines
4. Type of work people have to do
5. Having to take on other people’s work
6. Lack of job satisfaction
7. Lack of control over the working day
8. Having to work long hours
9. Frustration with the working environment
10. Targets

Anyway, whatever we are doing...it is best to strike a balance in everything as life is too short...and we shall make the best of it...

Anggerik Merah

rumbling at 11:30 pm

Nov 4, 2008

Weekend

2008-11-02T16:06:00.002Z

My office mate was confirmed having Esofagus cancer (stage 4), diabetic and suspected TB. It was as shocking news to all of us. Let us all pray that he will manage to get through this tough ordeal.

Saturday- lunch with newly wed and family members at home. Mak was the chef for cooking. A usual I was her assistant.

Sunday - rendavous in Ikea to buy some kitchen stuff. Had not been to Ikea for a while. As usual big crowd...which I don't really like. Then stopped over in Carrefour. Hadnot been there for ages. Most of the tie big man will do all the chores. Again...another place with big crowd. The point is that there is noplace in KL without any big crowd especially during weekend.

AM

Nov 3, 2008

12:15 am

Langkawi - part ONE

2008-10-29T16:40:00.003Z

View at Bonton restaurant

Bonton Restaurant resort

Laman Padi

Westin Resort & Spa

Certain things happen life is hard to explain... then don't explain. Only ponder and reflect...

I realised that I have not been able to meet quota to post at least 4 entries/month for this month. It is not too bad if I just post some collection of pics from my resent rendavous in Langkawi right after raya.

Anggerikmerah

Oct 30, 2008

1:30 am

Been away...

2008-10-21T20:56:00.002+01:00

It was almost a month since my last entry. After Raya was really jump right back to hectic office life with critical meeting to attend to and spend weekend after raya in Langkawi. Not for holiday but part of organising the international forum cum presenting project proposal for collaboration with other companies... Alhamdullilah everything went well and the beyond expectation as been said by our bos.... But the post forum tiredness tooks several days to recover.

Much to share about interesting outing during forum and nice pics to share. I have not downloaded the pics. Will do.

Life without maid is very pleasant and peaceful but very tiring for big man and I. So far, we have not make any effort to get new one as we need to gauge if we can stand without having one.

Will be back..

AM
4:04 am
Oct 22, 2008

Ramadhan leaving,Syawal around the corner

2008-09-23T16:38:00.008+01:00

I had been on tonsilitis since Saturday night. During get together for iftar with family members reciding in KL I still have my voice but my vocal had changed to Ella's version. Everyone noticed it. Struggling to wake up for sahur on Sunday morning. Very intense pain on my throat and my body was overly heated.

I had to take antibiotic prescribed from doctor since Sunday till today plus Myanol prescribed by neurologist (make my muscle relax). Alhamdullillah, today my vocal was not too bad. Yesterday was still very much sexy vocal as pointed out by my friends during phone conversation. Most of my plan to do before holiday was very much interrupted. I am struggling to get them completed in the midth of my not so well condition. I missed tarawih for several nights now.

Ramadhan leaving us so soon... in case I don't have a chance to blog...

I wish to take this opportunity to say:

Selamat hari raya Aidilfitri, ampun dah maaf sekiranya ada yang tersalah dan tersilap. Jangan disimpan didalam hati.

Leaving to kampung this weekend is an event to look forward to...

Salam dari,
Anggerik Merah

Sept 23, 2008
11:50 pm

Journey - Rio 2

2008-09-20T05:38:00.009+01:00

To continue sharing some memories from Rio trip….

It was an interesting trip. This is the second time I had been to South America. The first time was sometimes in 2000, I had a chance to be in Lima for some conference which I had to present paper. That trip was full of surprises and challenges. I guess when travel alone many surprises happened. Since then, I promise myself not to travel alone again to this area. That should be a separate story on its own.

During my recent business trip to Rio, I had opportunity to meet old friends and get to know new one. I will have a chance to meet my Brazilian friends (and also Norwegian) again after raya for another forum which will be held in Langkawi. The world is getting smaller…really smaller. We will bounce into each other too frequent from different part of the world.

Much I have to note about my trip in Rio, but I must admit I kept forgetting those moments ever since back to KL. Life in KL is so hectic that everyday something else needs to be remembered. I have a thot of writing those memories while in the plane. But to be honest, I need all minutes to rest and recharged. I ended-up ignoring my laptop at all. Rather watched in flight movies (“Smart People” etc) and finished “The last lecture by Randy Pauch”.

Here’s some pics…

View from Breakfast lounge in the hotel in the area of Ipanema

Entrance to tram in Corcavado, one of the world seven wonders.

Jesus Christ statue at Corcovado, one of the main attraction in Rio De Janeiro

View from cable car to Sugar Loaf, another seven wonders. The left side is Copacabana beach while on the right is part of picturestique Rio De Janeiro Town

Sugar Loaf

Another thing I wish to share is, being a woman, I love jewelery. The beauty of it is for my own satisfaction. Not to show my status or any other reason related to it. So I commit myself buying a necklace made of Gemstone from Rio. Some people might think I am crazy for spending that much money on that necklace. I thot I am crazy too. But I never regret any decision and am accountable to it.:-)... This piece of jewelery stick to my body everyday, i.e. during my sleep, shower etc etc. Funny thing about me is that I don't like to change my necklace everyday. I prefer it to be with me until I feel bored and then keep it away for sometimes. Being a woman I am...

where am I???

Back to story about going places...

For the first time, I am listing down places I had been in my life either during student time, during business trip or holiday. The lists excluded my foot at the airport only. Maybe I could start to think of some places I wish to be before shifting to another life. Something to look forward to and plan in my wish list.

1) Thailand - Phuket, Hadyai

2) Philippine - Manila

3) Indonesia - Jakarta, Bali

4) Singapore

5) Japan - Narita, Chiba,Tokyo

6) China - Beijing, Tianjin

7) Saudi Arabia - Mecca, Medina

8) Egypt - Cairo, Alexandria

9) Norway- Bergen, Oslo, Stavanger

10) France - Paris, Lyon

11) Spain - Madrid

12) Italy - Milan

13) Holand - Amsterdam

14) Belgium - Brussel

15) UK - too many to list down

16) Canada - Vancouver, Victoria (BC), Toronto, Salt Spring Island

17) USA - too many to list down

18) Peru - Lima

19) Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

20) Mexico - Hueres (sp?)

That many I can recall at this time. Each of these places thought me a lot about different culture, people and religion... It somehow mold me in someway to be what I am now... Some old folk told me when I was young, there is some sign on my body indicated that I will be "kaki yang berjalan (walking feet?)". I can't remember if it was got to do with my "tahi lalat" somewhere...hehehe... Anyway, it is true in some ways. It started when I was still young...

Ok... I must get back to my chores... Life without maid means I have to do things which I had not done for sometime. It is part of my daily exercise/weekend exercise around house. I have not been on my bike during weekend as I used to do anymore. I miss riding my bike... Will do after raya.

Selamat berbuka puasa dan beribadat. Semuga sentiasa diberkati oleh Allah.

Anggerik Merah

Sept 20, 2008

2 pm

3rd Anniversary of blogging – Sept 13 2005

2008-09-14T21:17:00.003+01:00

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome – nil, some other muscle test – nil. Finally EEG indicated, as expected, a brain which can’t stop working/thinking and surprising Migraine? I can’t think of an answer if I had ever complaining about intense headache as the specialist kept on asking before telling me the result.

Pic: Beachside at Ayorda Resort,Nusa Dua, Bali, April 2008

Anyway, I might have trained my brain to ignore or switch off the pain all this while i.e. tolerance level is very high. For a week, I was prescribed Myonal 50 mg tab and Norgesic tab. And yes, I had skipped them for some days after noticing me feel so weak and dehydrated and when the tingling and numbness on my fingers and left hand was not too bad. It is not good especially for my long distance travel to office in the morning as my muscle become too relax. Anyway, will have a follow-up with specialist again today.
Pic: Tanah Lot, Bali, April 2008

Weekend was full of exercise for me on the chores…washing, cleaning; ironing…Had not done so much for quite sometimes. Kind of enjoy it but less time for socializing and enjoying life outside house or other form of socializing. Life without maid is kinds of blessing in some ways as it bring us closer together. Lil man becomes more independent. We might consider just make do with day to day maid if we could get one. Will see how it goes.
Pic: Resort next to Ayorda, Bali, April 2008

It is also a blessing of this Ramadan… celebrating my 3rd year of blogging. A year ago almost at this time I had spend some quiet time in UK, to complete some part of my thesis correction. For about two weeks, my life just within a small office day and night… I miss that kind of intense moment as I need that moment to get things wrap-up, close the chapter, leave behind and move on…

Pic: Tanah Lot, Bali, April 2008

Collecting every bit of energy, mental strength and visualizing that moment is all in my mind.

Anggerik merah

Sept 13, 2008

Bit & pieces again

2008-09-08T11:03:00.006+01:00

Weekend activity....Reshuffle all my office attire. Some to give away... Did loads of ironing work....I wish I could just wear jean & T-shirt to office... Anyway good exercise...just that need to sacrifice time for not going out and do other things.

Went to see specialist at Tawakal today. Blood test was done. Results negative on Athritis...Alhamdullilah...But doesn't answer the reason of joint pain which come and go for the last 2 months. Tomorrow another visit to see neurologist as refered by the specialist for corpus tunnel(?) test. Whatever it is, must try to sort it out.

I had not visited Tawakal for ages...Maybe more than 15 years.... Some of good, experience and down to earth doctor's are residing here. I felt more satisfied to meet these doctors. Some doctor's at some "5 star hospitals" are more into money making...

My maid.... the moment of truth...she smsed us informing that she will not be coming back to continue working. We have to figure out our plan if we want to take another one, try to get day to day maid (if we are lucky to find one).... or live without one.

Deep in my heart, I reflected all things that happen at home while my maid was around. She had not been focused on the work at home much. She took things so lightly. I had to remind her to do this and that. And I found a draft letter from her to someone while cleaning up my house few months back. I knew she was up to something but I didn't ask her. I just observed her character. The night that I was ready to fly to Brazil, she asked forgiveness from me. She said she had done loads of 'DOSA" to me. I didn'tknow what she mean. I told her that I forgave her and I don't know what "DOSA" she was talking about. Whatever she did behind me, let ALLAH showed her the right and wrong.

Big man and I were discussing about her...and Big man said it is no point to request her to be back if she doesn't like to work here... Yes...maid...we can't live with or without them... Maybe this happen for good reasons..

that's bit and pieces....

Anggerikmerah
September 8, 2008
6:30 pm

Life sans Maid

2008-09-01T03:26:00.002+01:00

Life without maid, definately needs some adjustment. Our maid had gone back for 2 months holiday. Hence, big man took some responsibility at home to do some chores, while I help out during weekend.

It is good that we all have more time to struggle at home with chores. It was not too bad at all. Can be tiring at times. Whenever it is too much, we do outsource...

Anggerik Merah
September 1, 2008
10:30 am

Salam Ramadhan

2008-08-29T17:22:00.004+01:00

Selamat Menyambut Ramadan Mubarak untuk semua.

Semuga dikurniakan keberkatan dan diampun segala dosa yang lalu.

Anggerik Merah

August 30
12:20 AM

NLP

2008-08-26T16:59:00.002+01:00

I was a 3 hour short talk on NPL by Dr Ian L. Halsall.

Learning about this technique as part of stimulating my brain to move forward...

Information can be found here: www.lloydwest.com

AM,

August 27, 2008
12:03 AM

To entertain my sleepless night...I blog.. (update)

2008-08-20T20:41:00.007+01:00

It has been more than a week that my body clock was hire-wire. Waking up and feeling fresh in the early morning most of the time. And dead tired after mid day. Much happening since I was back from Rio last Sunday. Listing down..

1) Attending to the most critical presentation for top management. What I said will have significant impact to future direction of how the management would see it and decided to move on. I had tried my best to deliver the fact and figures, knowledge and relevent impact to current and future business in our industry. Alhamdullilah, everything went smoothly. It was quite a preparation for me: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual...I prayed hard and dua so that my brain stay awake and alert to deliver this critical presentation.

Alhamdullilah, the Almightly granted my request. A sudden surge of energy rushed in despite of my hire-wire state of body and mind. All the back-up and moral support from fellow colleagues did help me a lot also to keep me on high spirit and positive mood. Some colleagues said to me to kick some butt during presentation. My response with a big smile on my face is simply ..."I wan't to get it over with and move on...". That set my spirit to face the challenges ahead on responsibility given to me.

The feedback I had from my fellow colleague who was there with me during the presentation, my presentation is just like story telling, very natural, very relaxing and create loads of interest...and some jokes make it lively too.. I didn't notice much what had I done. Obviuosly, I need the feedback from other to know what is good and what is not so that I can make continous improvement. But more importantly I just want to be myself to express humbly and honestly what I know and what I don't know and my thought. The remaining is up to the management for judgement.

Not to forget my lovely lil man and big man who are always there to understand what it takes for me to perform my duty being in demanding corporate world that I am with. At best, I try to balance personal and work life.... Good luck wish from both of them everytime that I have to perform my duty have eleviate my courage and confidence level.

2) While dressing up to work and a usual free show in the morning, I asked my big man if he miss his corporate world and if he ever wish that I be a housewife (taking care of the family in a conventional way). Similar question I asked once in a blue moon. Answer I got from him was..

"I don't miss my corporate world (a.k.a old office) but I miss being at work".

The next one was...

"I don't wish you to be a housewife as I do not have any idea what to talk about if my wife is a fulltime housewife..."

I received his answer with a smile...at least I know what his wish is. With him being at home and doing chores in the absence of our maid right now, I pity him and I don't want him to feel stressful about it. We can't have it all in life. We gain some and we lose some. As long as we live our live to the fullest..that is more important.

3) A brief meeting with Pak Payne, Kak Lil, Mama Rock, Pak Zabs and Jo over lunch time was a memorable one..more than word can express. SMS reminder from Jo in the morning while I was half awake...I thought it would be interesting to make a surprise to pop-in just like that since this is the first time to meet Jo & Mamarock in person and getting to know Pak Zabs... :-). Mamarock could spot me right on while I was wondering outside the lunch place at the same time having some conversation over mobile phone on some difficult question to answer.

Pak Payne introduced mamarock and I to Kak Lil (a lovely lady and warm at heart too).

To be honest, I am tergamam sikit...do not know how to get into the conversation..some conflict identity as blogger and meeting face to face as this is the first time meeting with slightly bigger crowd of fellow bloggers. I am slow at socialising at that moment. Prefer to be a listener rather than telling my story. But with time, if I could stay longer, I am sure I could go with the flow. Pak Payne being so lively at initiating conversation and sharing his stories, while Jo with ever smiling face...mama rock is so calm and rock too...Pak Zabs have many experiences and thought to share, I can tell..

Much more maybe feeling rush in my brain that I need to be back to office to attend to my bosses and still dead tired mentally and physically with jet-lag. How I wish I could switch off that feeling. Since I was back from Rio, I had not been to my head office due to the need to be in other company outfit. Only talked to my bosses over phone and sms. Promised to meet at around 2 pm I must keep to brief face to face on Rio's meeting outcome and yesterday's meeting as they need my input to plan for the next event.

I hate to leave the lovely group of fellow blogger's fren but I hope there will be more opportunity to meet again... and to continuosly be in touch. I realised that I totally forgot to thanks for the kelapa...

----------------
Now is 5 am. I had been up since 1 am this morning rising from sofa in living room. I dropped dead on sofa after arriving home from office at about 8:30 pm and simple yet fulfilling dinner prepared by big man. As I was driving home, he called me to ask my whereabout. I asked him if he needs me to buy food on my way back. He told me that he grilled chicken and prepared some salad. It might not be tasteful as he had forgotten how to cook. I told him that I am eager to eat his home cook. Indeed, I eat a lot...

Need to go for now...

Next, will share more pics on Rio...i.e.Copacabana, Ipenama, Corcovado, Sugar Loaf.. etc etc..

Anggerik Merah
5:15 am
August 21, 2008

---------

Update, 11 pm. August 21, 2008

Came back from office today, had dinner and went to zzz land for a couple hours. Something woke me up...while I am still pening2 lalat and on my way to toilet... my mobile rang. Big man answered....surprise...it was D (pause and reflect).... I am so happy to hear her voice.

We connected and we talked for a while... and it was an exciting conversation we had...shared some bits and pieces the happening... it really make my night brighter!

Thanks D...and you take care. Allah wills we will meet somewhere.....Looking forward to read your own books in the future.

This week is a blessing for me...so many blogger's fren that I had connected with.... but I wish to remain with my identity as Anggerik Merah in this space..

My baby

2008-08-17T16:09:00.003+01:00

My baby aka lil man is celebrating his 12th birthday today. He has grown up to be a teenager, yet still a baby to us.

Happy birthday darling... and I love you so much..

Mama

August 17, 2008

Journey-Rio 1

2008-08-11T11:13:00.005+01:00

Now is 7:30 am Rio De Janeiro time. It is 13 hours different from home time. We arrived last night at about 8 pm after a 12 hour journey from KLIA to CDG, Paris, 4 hours transit and another 11 hours from CDG to Rio. I managed to get good sleep from KLIA as I told the stewardest that I skipped the late dinner. I need to save some energy as I expected I would be very tired with economy class from CDG to Rio.

At CDG, while on transit, I picked up a couple of fridge magnet from shop and had I nice hot milestrone soup. Still felt my tounge a bit burn with that hot soup till now. I did not at all do much reading in the flight except with some flight magazine. Hence, the book on The Last Lecture by Randy Paush was remained not finished. While in lounge area in CDG, I snapped a few pictures of airport new wing at terminal 2E. I thouch it is very nice architecture, a combinaton of half dome glass and wood strike in between. Open to the sky...blue or bright gloomy. Yesterday was slightly bright sky. Energy saving architecture.

With economy class cabin on Air France to Rio, I tried to close my eyes as much as I could. It was an intermittement sleep as the cabin was quite noisy with several languages...portuguese, spanish, french.. The leg space was quite cramp. Nevertheless, I am glad that my earlier rest in MAS did help me. Forget about reading anything...that went 11 hours journey.

Arrived in Rio, it took quite q while for us to get our luggage. Surprised to see my Carlton bag was dented, slight deform on the hard case side. A taxi was chartered by the this country's giant company, waiting to pick us up. A name written on placard was misleading as the first name of my colleague was wrongly written. We had to make sure, it was meant to us. With loads of advise from friend we have to be extra careful with safety in this country. We arrived at Ceaser Park Ipanema hotel, facing the seaside, not very far from Copacabana as in the map.

I settled in the room, unpack my things and had a nice hot shower to return to refreshing mode. I tried to fight the jet-lag only until 9:30 am, then went to bed. I woke up at around 12:30 am thinking that it was early morning (i.e. 6 am). Well, I con't go back to sleep. Get on to internet, check email, send email, and and read news. I did browse thru the hotel booklet to find-out what they offered. So many safety precautions from bringing out only necessary valubles up to how to lock the door etc etc... Wow...serious precaution! I don't dare to go out at night even with my colleagues.

I went back to sleep thinking how to plan a day today so that I could be more effective in the day and fight the jet-lag as in the next 3 day of meeting I will be fully alert. Wondering around town with tourist guide is in my mind. I had a dream of it.... but in that dream, I was in Japan...

I was in touch with big man thru SMS as I miss spending my weekend with both men I dearly love. Big man had to attend my ex-boss's daughter wedding and met old friends there. My mind could not help to think about next weekend as I will be back just on time my lil man's birthday. I had reserved two tickets for Disney on Ice High School concert for both of them for Sunday afternoon show. Since earlier plan I was supposed to be back on Monday morning, I could not be there for the show. Big man asked me if I wish to join lil man for the show...if only I don't feel like sleeping... Most likely I will be enjoying my sleep on Sunday next week.

Signing off for now...

Anggerik merah
Ceaser Park hotel, Rio De Janeiro
7:44 am
August 11, 2008

Hidden pain

2008-08-08T22:20:00.006+01:00

I didn’t remember when the last time I really burst into tears. To cry is good..At this time as I woke up for my prayer, I could not help it…the pain which I try to hide, it is burst out in this peaceful morning hours while others are in their dream land.

I manage to hide and suppress pain inside me very well for many many months, just for reasons that I want to bring back the positive in me and pull all the strength, to be back on my feet. To some extend it make me to be bold enough keep continue with life…accepting what is coming and live in a moment of time.

But the burden that I carry on is so hard on my shoulder… I bleed inside whenever I remember about my unfinished commitment that I still carry with me and whenever someone ask me or call me with the title. Sometimes I kept on thinking why it is so hard for me to get it through. I am grateful to Almighty to see all my friends had finally got through it.

Every time in my prayer, I kept on asking HIM to make it easy for all my friends and I to get through it. Alhamdullilah, most of friends that I know finally succeeding after the hard work and sacrifice. I am so happy for them and I dance to joy to hear good news about them. It also helps to keep giving me that strength to see it through the end. But so much that I have to take on board and I felt that I don’t have much energy to get to the finish line sometimes.

Nevertheless, it is not in my vocabulary of life that I will not be able to get through it. It just that so many obstacles that I had to pass through in life of which I had to set priority.

I pray to HIM to give me all the strength, peace of mind and barakah to reach to the end….AMIN.

Only HE knows what is in my small mind and heart…

Coming from heart and soul,

Anggerik merah
August 9, 20008
3:30 am

Note:

I will be on the jet plane from tonight. Will only be back next Sunday. Total travelling time will be more than 24 hours. I set my mind to enjoy the journey and may Allah keep me fit to accomplish whatever I have to accomplaish there. It will be a short trip as I have to cut short my stay to rush back home for a very important presentation to the top most committee....

Whenever all critical things to accomplish will happen almost at the same time...I try to just smile and take it as it comes... No more expected to be all perfect...more like enjoy the cruise and be who I am...

Update: August 9, 2008...

wake up in the morning feel fresher as battle with PMS is over... Whenever body hormone take control of body & mind, everything appears to be impossible to accomplish. Simple things can be forgotten, body and mind coordination goes hire-wire. Prefer to be alone in own world...hate socialising. Do not argue as I am always right and do it my way. I can be a lion king at no time...

another bit & pieces

2008-08-06T15:21:00.004+01:00

My dear friends, my previous entry trigger loads of concern about my health. Insyaallah, I will keep remembering my current state of health and all your advice. Will take it easy as much as I could.

I was in Awana Genting for the last 3 days...another workshop gathering of technical fraternity within company. Over 200 participants. The workshop was a combination of technical presentations for 1.5 days and team building for 1 day. As usual night activities was filled with BBQ dinner, recap of last year event, karaoke, group performance for the purpose of networking.

My main function was to moderate one of the technical sessions. As usual, I always actively participate in the group performance. This time around, again a Kuck Kuch Ho ta Hei bollywood team the song given to our group. Within short time or group manage to cook-up something for performance. One young lady in our group help to direct our 2 minutes performance. So there I go...dancing the bollywood to kick start the drama....good to loose up the shoulder and chest...you know the kind of goyang...whatever people call it. Good exercise too!

Moderating the technical session went well...as I tried to make it a bit semi-formal to trigger discussion.

Yes, I have not fully recovered from the effect of fever I had 2 weeks ago. The join pain is still there. Still a bit of coughing which doesn't want to go away. I got tired very fast. Nevertheless, I try to take it easy. I must keep fit for the next business assignment which I have to travel again for quite a long distance. 12 hours to Paris, then another connecting flight for 11 hours to South America.

My 2 weekends will be sacrificed starting this saturday for work related matters. I realise, travelling for work related is not anymore something that I am looking forward as compared to my young days. But again...it comes with the job function with specific objective to achieve...What I need is the energy to be able to accomplish the task. At this point I have no subordinate to delegate since this area is very new for the company. The kick-start is my responsibility that I have to shoulder.

Both big man and lil man have to bare with me with my missing in action... Not sure what choice do I have right now if I were to stay less hectic with work. I pray that the situation would be better when everything is in place once I have subordinate and the project gets going. Still many challenges ahead that I have to face...for every success there are several frustrations along the way...

I need to go to sleep now... Will keep writing when ever I have the opportunity.

Anggerik Merah
August 6, 2008
11:00 pm

Not surviving the storm but dance in the rain...

2008-07-30T16:28:00.000+01:00

Exactly a month ago (June 30, 2008: 11:oo pm), I was packing my things for a business trip to Japan. I took my mobile from my office handbag and noticed one missed call from old friends sent in at 10:20 om. The message read

"Assalamualaikum...to let you know that Dr. M passed away a couple hours ago after sudden collapsed at KLCC..."

My heart beating fast the moment I read that message. Tried to reach my friend to know detail, but not successful... I told big man about the news as big man also knew Dr. M well. Immdeiately big man warned me. "Dr. M was a very hardworking person. He will continue his work at home once the children goes to sleep. See what happen to him. Just in split second he was gone."

I could not say anything more as I was shocked. Just 2 weeks before this incident, I had some false alarm which scared me. After lunch with friends in office cafeteria, my friends and I walked back to office. As we entered the office door, suddently I had this surge of fast heart-beat. I almost felt as if I would faint. But queitly I control myself and kept silence. I would not want to tell my two other friends who were walking with me at that time. I rushed to my chair and tried to calm down. Then I went to my other lady friend to let her know how I felt at that time and asked her to look after me in case I fainted. It was very scary to have that sudden change in heart beat. And I could not figure out the reason. Following that blood test was done on me, good to know that generally I am health with the some slight increase in cholesterol level. But doctor said that is not something to worry...

With the sudden death of Dr. M, it is a wake up call for all of the at the office... to keep a healthy life style... but most of the time work stress is unavoidable. We must knowhow to manage it well. The sudden demise of Dr M is a big lost. He is a very nice person...friendly and we can always count on him to sort out some difficult problem... But when our time is up... not a single minute will be delayed.

Another interesting story....one day my big man told me that he was in conversation with someone at the wet market. The person asked him why seldom seing me...Big man told him that my wife always travel for business. Then that person ask big man why don't he marry another one. Big man told him that if he really wanted to marry another one, he would have done it when we both separated for almost 4 years when I was in UK.... So I gave my big man a big smile ..

---------------------
A very touching story indeed...I received this forwarded email...Something to ponder...

How to Dance in the Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor'sappointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?' He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought.

'That is the kind of love I want in my life.' True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there is one that comes along that has an important message. This one I thought I could share with you.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

I hope you share this with someone you care about. I just did.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.'

--------------

Anggerik Merah
11:32 pm
July 30, 2008

Another year has passed...

2008-07-23T15:47:00.005+01:00

Anggerik at level 5 lobby of Hilton Schipol Airport, Amsterdam

Muhammad Adib Zikri, my lil sister's fourth son..now 3.5months. We called him "MAT SENGEH" as he is all the time smile...
Marissa Atifah, 4 year old, share the same date of birth with me. She is my lil sister's second child, i.e Adib's big sister
A white chocholate Mecadamia b'day cake from Lil man and big man. Lil man chose the cake and big man pay for it...Thanks to both beloved man in my life.

Yes, today 23 July 2008, another year pf my life has passed. I am blessed with what Allah has installed for me in this life.

Despite of my not in the pink of health, I am thankful to Allah for many things.

Happy birthday to Marissa Atifah & Mak long Anggerik Merah.

Anggerik Merah
July 23, 2008
11:16 pm

What money can buy...

2008-07-20T22:30:00.001+01:00

I was at one of the talk organised within company on matters related to EQ...

Something interesting to ponder as my take away from that session

MONEY CAN BUY HOUSE BUT NOT HOME

MONEY CAN BUY BED BUT NOT SLEEP

MONEY CAN BUY CLOCK BUT NOT TIME

MONEY CAN BUY BOOK BUT NOT KNOWLEDGE

MONEY CAN BUY FOOD BUT NOT APPETITE

MONEY CAN BUY STATUS BUT NOT RESPECT

MONEY CAN BUY BLOOD BUT NOT LIFE

MONEY CAN BUY MEDICINE BUT NOT HEALTH

MONEY CAN BUY SEX BUT NOT LOVE

Sustainable happiness and sense of personal balance are derived from internal (intangible) qualities rather than external (tangible) assets.
---------------------

I am knocked down by viral fever for the last 3 days. I am attached to my bed most of the time. All joins are acking.

AM

July 20, 2008

10:30 pm

Anggerik merah's world

Sayang mama

Good bye 2011 AND WELCOME 2012

A cry

Still unfinished business

Go away anxiety

After a long silence

July 2010

Live day by day

Clueless thot

Recent get away

Good bye kak Ruby

Something I have to bear

life is short

The happenings

The first trip of the year

A new year re-union, welcome 2010

A journey continues…

Ketika cinta bertasbih

Doa untuk Kak Moon

Ambition (Childhood life to adulthood)

Escapism

Istiqamah

40 tips for a better life (a reflection and keep improving…)

Warkah untuk sahabat

The Day's Motivation

Maal Hijrah & Sleep test

Been a while

Teaching skill & being a mother

Stay back & cari makan

Life journey

Demi matahari...

Life without maid

life goes on...

4th Anniversary & Eid Mubarak

Yang pergi

Mencari motivasi

Cuba menulis lagi

Harga jari jemari

My LOVE

A glance of Dubai

RAMADHAN KAREEM

Advertisement

The Climb

Hadiah harijadi

Blessing of another year

Life goes on

Masih jelas

Twenty-one

window wishes

Source of inspiration

Away - cool - bike! (update -innalillah)

Move on...

Sekadar luahan rasa..

My little man...

Out of Africa - mencari rezeki di laut

Taste of Sahara Desert

Again...

What storm?

Perfect storm?

Change & switch button

Down memory lane & back..

As a result of jetlag...

On the jet plane again..

A home

Life is too short... Innallilllah

Kompang Orchestra

Life is so beautiful...

Sense of Achievement

Selamat ulang tahun sayang...

Get together

Motivation

Fun Quotient (FQ)...

CT Scan and new books

About health, books and romantic spot on

Brain scribble

Holiday

Days of my life 1

Alone...

Good-bye little Candy